Compacting my brain

I’ve always dealt with anxiety and depression, well since i was 15, is when i felt the horrible feel.

I wish i never felt that way ever again, and i would do so, to not feel that way again , is to not put myself in that position.

I fell in love again , and no this one isn’t a mistake, it is perfect. So perfect that it shows my imperfections.

Which introduced the horrible feeling back into my life. I’m 18 now going on 19.  I fell in love 5 days after my birthday and been that way ever since. This relationship has showed me how broken i have became. I dissembled myself , in front of myself. I lost the feeling of love , but i know i still can love. I’m having a battle with myself, and its causing my mind to deteriorate. I’m trying to shed this little girl that my past has made me , but its like a demon who has embedded his claws into my soul. When i feel myself overcoming, i start to fuck up , and become depressed, doubles itself. I wanted to run into traffic i can hear him talking in my head. i just want it to stop.

I trying to run away , i am trying to escape. I’m so lost with words. i cant even explain my feelings. I try to explain and people say im being negative, but its really the negative hurting me. I just wished someone understood, step in my shoes. lived with my demon..