Feeling shitty.

I have done something really bad.
I partially ditched my friend. Umm Firstly I told her all lies. I feel so lost. I don’t wanna admit I did it.
Feels like my life is over now, she found out. But in some way or the other I tried providing a proof that I din’t do it. But she still thinks I did. I wanted to suicide. She hates me now. Everyone hates me. I din’t mean to hurt her. No one needs me.
If I don’t go to school, no one will be there to notice that I din’t come. I feel like its really getting to my chest.
I want to let it all go. I’m in 9th grade and I’ve got 2 months to go to 10th. I don’t feel like going to school anymore. She was my best friend. It really hurts. Now she hates me. And she made my friends against me. I know Its my mistake. Its weird when you know whats coming for you. And you just don’t feel like facing it anymore. When you’re tired. Tired of yourself. Tired of things you’ve done. Thats when you stop feeling life. Sometimes it feels like no one exists. 8 hours in school, 8 hours of loneliness. I’ve got no friends now. I feel like I’m loosing confidence in me. I’m helpless at the moment. I feel the animosity within me. I hate myself. I hate my life. And this animosity within just keeps increasing as I go. I’ve got bruises all over me. And I do is were full sleeves.
I’m…. untamed.
I’m… lost.
I’m… not noticed.
I’m.. A faker.
I’m.. What I’m.
But Its just what I don’t wanna be. My life is killing me.