Fuck this

I found that when the world comes down and crushes me I just want to be alone. No rules, no deadlines, no limits, no expectations. You know, like the first time you smoke weed and it really kicks in you feel like hours have flown by and you look at the clock and it’s only been 10 minutes. Like Sci-Fi movies at 2 a.m. and knowing you have nothing to do the next day. No responsibilities.

But then I’d get lonely. I’d realize I drove everything and everyone away. Then I’m a hermit craving companionship. It sucks. I guess depression clouds everything and I just want to lose myself in a book or a movies or sometimes just sleep. But sleep makes us lose time and when we wake up all the crap is waiting right there for us lust like it was before we went to sleep. All you can do is keep writing and keep searching for someone who will listen.

I had a girlfriend once that could play me like a Steinway. She dumped me for a sociopathic child molesting maniac. The moral of the story? Never hook up with a battered woman and assume good triumphs over evil. It really fucks with your head.