the day i loved him i guess was the day he became my world… i loved him to the core. .. i sacrificed my family first… then my kid whom i loved the most…. and then i get to know he was a fake… now i am alone… no family… no kid… no love… no money.. cut my wrist.. drank phenyl.. prayed to god let me die… but again dat guy would come back telling its all lies.. again he ll say he loves only me… i dont wana forgive him… i just wana ask him wat bad did i do to him.. just loved him, treated him like my god.. just wish for death now… gimme back all that i lost or gimme death… that’s all i wish for…
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Hey, I went through something similar. Loved harder than I ever had only to find out I was deceived and the man i thought I knew had me living a lie…I use to fear the thought of giving my all and end up feeling like it was all in vain in the end. I cant find the words to describe the pain I felt and didnt know how I was going to move forward without that pain. Surprisingly however…here I am, smiling again excited about life again and regaining ever that I lost. Although I loved this man with everything within me I realized that I wasnt as happy with him like I thought I was. Why do I now feel like im getting back to “me” again..maybe because I lost myself in order to make him happy. The truth is…it does get better, slowly but surely. I started to go out more..I refrained from contacting him, I started renewing my mind, my focus and after time it got better..the truth is if you do leave this earth because of him, sure he will feel bad for a month or two but the reality is eventually his life will go on and you will just be a memory..so is it really worth it? Nah…not at all. Im realizing more and more that emotions are temporal and we have alot more control than we think we do. It will have to be your choice to get up one day and change your circumstance. It will get better and feel better just start moving towards that, who wants to be stuck with a toxic liar anyways!!?..thats his loss im sure your a great person!
Love is a f*kcing curse. If there were a legal medical procedure to permanently kill romantic feelings, I’d get it done in a heartbeat. My life’s worst betrayals all took place around “love.” I regret loving everyone I ever loved. With the exception of my mom.
Sometimes we let the line where we end and the other person begins get blurred, and then we give too much, love too hard and we become ultimately dependent on them. I lost 14 years of my life to someone I made a “conscious” decision to love unconditionally and forever. When she walked away and into the arms of a sexual predator only a year after we met, I had given so deeply and made so much of a spiritual investment that I was literally incapable of surviving without her. I wish I had the answer. I can empathize with you and sure, I could tell you he should never have been allowed him to have that much power over your life but I still live every day with my subconscious path of self destruction and hatred for myself that she once freed me from.
I know you deserve better. You are worthy of being loved by someone that cherishes you and respects the truth. You deserve someone that delights in making you feel honored and good about yourself. But when we stay collapsed in a heap, pining for someone that has no respect for us or gives nothing of themselves without our paying for it with our heart, soul and spirit, we stay locked away from others that might be right for us. It is a horrible vicious circle.
I feel like I have rambled on forever – but I would encourage you to do all you can to connect with others and in meaningful ways. You can find the right partner if you just keep the door open. And I really hope that you do.
I hope someone, someday makes you forget he ever existed.
How did you lose your child?!
@Nozmoking, I mean these questions sincerely: What does it mean that a person should “deserve better”? And what are the attributes that make someone “worthy of being loved” and cherished?
Thanks for sharing, Noz.