For a very long time,Â I was in a very committed relationship. That relationship ended back in 2010, and since then, dating experience has been unpleasant… Now 2014, I am still without a girlfriend… but I guess as time progresses, I see myself less and less of wanting/needing to be in a relationship. In about two months, I will be 31, and yet, I no longer see myself as a potential husband, soul mate, or even as a father.
During the four years, I certainly went through a stage of sexual drought. I would be lying if I say I wasn’t feeling desperate at times (I was certainty feeling depressed and a sense of sadness). Â I even debated forÂ at least two yearsÂ about hiring an escort. Lots of pros and cons, and I came to the realization that heck.. I don’t need a woman in my life to be fully happy, that I can build a life of being single for a very very long time and that it is okay to hire an escort. So in late 2013, I did just that. A few months later (i.e. fast forward to today), I have been keeping a journal on my journey with meeting escort (I started seeing two independent providers, both are in their mid 30s, and then narrowed down to just seeing one consistently).
I have to say, this has opened my mind to a whole new level. Sure, I still don’t get the same frequency of sex as being in a committed relationship, but deep inside, I feel a sense of liberation and freedom from the depression. I no longer feel desperate enough to meet and date any women..or even feel the need to be in a relationship at all. I no longer have to deal with any arrogant females treating me like crap on a date, because I know that I can get better care and treatment from an escort. And the escort I have been seeing (lets call her Erin, which is totally not her real name), she is a very wonderful and professional person, very down to earth, and very sweet and caring. Erin tells me glimpse of her life openly, and I started to feel somewhat connected to her as I was able to relate to some of her past experience. It is actually very refreshing and welcoming that she does not possess the same arrogance that many women I run into in various social functions or events. By arrogance I meant the over-confidence within a person that allows her to judge others by the covers (i.e. I deserve better than being in the same space as you, and that you don’t have the appearance or skin of color that motivates me get to know you at all). Her personality and attitude in life makes me respect her and her profession even more. She brings solace to me when no one else cares to, and for that, I am forever grateful.
I am not here to say that hiring escort is right or wrong (absolutely, I would never want to be around anyone underage or anyone with a pimp/agency or anyone who is a streetwalker/druggie…I would actually get the fuck out if any of aforementioned is true). But my actual point is that life does not have to be so hard. You don’t have to bend your back backward in order to be accepted in this society. Many of us depressed individuals are on the social fringe of being ignored and placed in the sideline (like a clearance item at dollar store). But there are ways to still attain some level of happiness as long as you open your mind and accept things that our society is too much of a biggot to face.
Lastly, maybe I will meet someone and fall in love with again, or maybe not at all. Again, life can be hard and crappy, but that does not mean you can’t find happiness on your own term. You still have some control after all.