Hi my name is axel i am 13 and right now Im facing family issues ad shcool problems and I think I’m just a helpless looser and I have suicide thoughts in mind and my parents dont even give a shit if i did suicide especially my own dad.
First lets start out with family issues. I have two brothers and me one of my borthers is 10 years old his name is adler and a 2 year old brother who is turning 3 next month and his name is jonathan. Ok so my parents are great parents to me i love them so much but there are issues that i just cant stand them anymore and wanting to leave this world.
my dad is in his 30s and my mom so now to life issues my dad offends me when it comes to learning something for my own good but he goes to far with it and he likes to talk about my past when i was little and i did some bad things which get on my nerves. Well when i was  like 9 years old you know we were little kids and thought that if i doght with someone and get in trouble i used to take it serious like if i was gonna get into deep deep trouble and i was shy alot in shcool ( im still shy right now but not much). One day in 4th grade i was yelling at a girl because in aorry she embarrased me infront of the bus and her friends talking about me which got me mad and at that point i kept slamming the seat cause i was mad and i flinched again to hit the seat but this time i accendentily hit her in the eye i was so scared i didnt know what to do i quiclky left the bus to my class when my teacher said to report to the office and i got my parents called and when i got home my dad told me it was very wrong to hit a girl i could get in to police detention. Now today my dad still worries about the story…REALLY? But of course that was the first and last time i hit a girl and my dad still tells the story when he feels like it -_-. My mom joins in every conversation when it comes to a problem about me. Whenever me and adler fight in a store i try to calm him down always and i say im sorry but he charges to beat me up so bad and i defend my self and my dad tells me to stop and it would continue a few more times cause my brother gets on my dam nerves and i tell my dad and he tells adler to stop but the way he says it means he does not really care as long as me or him punch one another. But no it does not stop there he continues calling me names like robodork, F bringer, and other names infront of people which make me so mad that i punch him hard and my dad tells me im getting 3 woopens and he is getting 3 as well as me but why me WHY ME? After begging my dad that my brother is annoying the hell out of me? That pisses me of and the worst is he does not woop us until adler reminds him like next week or 4 days later. Its so much to explain. My dad like to tease me into anger and he gets adler to do it to me as well that i scream at my brother and hold him by the neck and my dad laughs and my mom comes to break it up and defend me and admit the truth to him that he likes to tease people. On my 13th birthday my first year of being a teen and we have friends come at my house and gifts awaiting me so then we prepare the cake and take photos and i see people bring in gifts and money and my dad gives me a book about the code of ethics and he told me he gave me this book to change the way i act in life… I was so mad after all those days just trying to get his damn attention for bad things that i dont do and he blames me almost for everythinh but acts all good with adler. I was crying in my parents room and my dad comes to tell me to come out or he will slap me and drag my ass out with force so I steped out to the kitchen all sad.. I didnt even want to go there because he ruined my day. And guess what not just that he take a PICTUR of me infront of everyone and my cake and i was all sad with my hands on my eyes and after my birthday he goes to my moms facebook my moms facebook yes and he uplaods it…… I was sad cause my mom had my crush on her friends list but i dont think my crush liked me but i never asked her out and today im so dumb i havent asked her out yet…. So then days later I told my mom to take it off!! Cuz i discovered she had on her fb (like i mentioned a few sentences ago) weeks later i check again and its still there … I tell my dad to take it off but he didnt care and I WAS SO fucking mad in my summer vacation when i found it was still there.Today it is there i havent checked yet. A few days ago i told my dad that i dont want him in my 14th birthday cuz he is just going to act like a B ……  I said it just like that but i didnt say the b word i just said the letter B ….. Also he cusses at me sometimes but he beats my ass when i cuss at him… Not fair hm??? At new years eve back in decemeber 31,2012 my dad wasnt home cuz he was at work and I was so sad…. Then here comes new years eve december 31, 2013 but this time instead of work he is home and im happy BUT that is not all instead he decideds to go at my godsisters house and all her sisters (she has five sisters while including her five girls and two are younger than the other three…. One is 13 and the other is 7) so my dad tells us hes going there and asks if me and my brother want to come. I say no and he takes adler only with him so later they beg me to come cuz im a teenager and wants me to come out and i tell him “dad this was supposed to be a family thing” but noo my dad doesnt give a fuck. So then my mom jonathan and me are at our house and i felt so bad i go so fucking mad and I SCREAM  like if the window was about to break into pieces and my mom came horrified and tell me to calm down and he said she does not like my dad and that she wants to leave him blah blah blaahh…….. After that day i wake up the next day and i see my dad in the couch (it was 1pm) i get so mad i yell at him why he left and then he says “dude it was so fun you should of came” I asked him what they did and he didnt want to tell me so I asked my brother what they did and he says they were playing games and dancing and my dad and the older sisters got so drunk and my godsister passed out all drunk. I was so fucking pissed of that my dad went to a party and got drunk and shit and me all sad and stuff… Wow…… My dad is a total dumbass these days no offence… He likes like to offend me and embarras me infront of my siblings…….
Forgot also in christmas day i got clothes and shoes and my borthers got toys i spent 40 dollars to my dad to buy me jordans which are nice nothing bad in christmas but im filled with suicide thoughts everyday.
Ok so now to shcool in shcool im failing right now and my parents think i cant do shit and im worthless…shcool standard test got shity questions that sometimes dont relate to the subject plus make no sense at all. I go to my room after my parents yell at me and when im alone i just think… should i go kill my self right now and plus what is my purpose in this world if we were born to love and be all good… That still doesnt make sense on why i was born… Why am i born in this cruel hatred world?? Why was i born here? Right now i feel the needs to suicide but it make my mom sad but sometimes she says go head and laughs…… omg this son of a gun REALLY? Right now i pray to god to help me please becuase right now i feel like i wanna kill my slef and i cry saying that i cant take life anymore i just want to go. Its cruel in this world just thinking of a knife cutting my skin and bleeeding to death but im afriad of loosing everything i ever had. And yes i have the balls to do it but im afriad of leaving my achievements in this hatred world. Â I pray everyday that i will make it to high school but my parents keep saying that i wont im sorry but no one cant control me except me. Life can be worst or good if you choose to get back up or not. Im trying to get back up but my parents act up and shit and my brother adler always liking to get on my nerves ……ugh jesus……………idk if i should suicide cuz its the only choice I have. My parents worry about my past and future and whats so important about the past jeez …….. Im in a great depression im so desperate lonely and all this pain ;(. Thank you for reading. ;(
1 comment
I know how you feel.. kinda have the same problem..
I suffered depression too.. and my parents doesnt really care about it..
Im trying to fight this by myself..
Sometimes i read bible to calm myself and it works..
But I always find myself back to this sad state again..
Idk how to help.. because right now I face the same problem as you..
But there is this verse that I believe and make me try to stay strong
http://biblehub.com/job/42-2.htm
I wish we can get over this situation.. keep trying to live keep fighting.. LETS TRY OUR BEST!!