Share time

I’m not even sure why I’m on here again… my life is in no immediate danger, but who know how long that will last. Some good things have happened to me an honestly I can say I enjoyed it. I graduated from college and got my diploma. I took my boards and passed them. Overall, I was ok, or well as ok as someone like myself could be. At the same time I’ve been clean for almost 5 months now. I haven’t cut or burned myself no matter how badly I wanted to. With all good things come the bad. I had to move back in with my parents for the time being because I lived on campus at my college. I now share a room with my 18 year old wanna be swimsuit model sister. Joyful. I have no privacy. Great. I wish those were the worst things on my mind but sadly I’m not a good person. If I got rid of one addiction I picked up another. I traded cutting for sex. Basically I became a whore. Maybe I just wanted to be what everyone called me. I hook up with guys that I just meet. I sneak out and go with them. Every time something happened right in the middle I could feel apart of myself die…. I’d just lay there thinking… Now every time I want to try and start a serious relationship and a guy asks how many guys I’ve been with I have to lie. What I wouldn’t do to pick up my blade again. I know I brought it on myself. Just wanted to share I guess.