Everyday I feel worse, but there are days that I feel really really bad. Like today. I constantly think about suicide, which is driving me crazy, because somewhere I know I’m not able to die, no matter how badly I’ll try. But still I’m searching all over the web to find ‘the perfect suicide method’, but I know somewhere that ‘the perfect suicide method’ doesn’t exist. But still I’m searching for it (man, i feel like an idiot now). No, my suicideplan isn’t completed yet, but in days like these, my suicideplan gets completer and completer, which actually gives me rest.
I haven’t found ‘the perfect suicide method’ and I haven’t found the best suicide method for myself yet, but my plans get more concrete.
11 comments
Yup totally understand ur feeling.
I’ve been thinking and searching perfect suicide method for myselfg over three months.
I have some ingridients(detergent, cyanide, ********, exit bag and etc) myself to exit.
I had really strong will to commit suicide.. but now… I dont know.. whether I should do this or not..
Something is holding my back… I dont know what that is… maybe fear of death…
living is hard but killing urself is even harder my friend.
wish u the best!!
Engeltje,
the perfect method in my opinion id the helium hood, but how long have you thought about this? days months years? death is really permanent there is no going back, you really have to think hard about that, you need to do your time, things can always turn around for you with some effort, I been thinking about it for lets say two years, I researched everything, but I’m still here, I even bought the equipment, but I’m still here, could I possibly change things? so as I can enjoy life? that is always in the back of my mind, could I tear it all down try a new route? if you can then it makes since to stick around, now that I got the gear I study what the hell is death? I’ve come to the conclusion that it is nothing more than going back to non existence, as I recall things weren’t so bad when I didn’t exist, so really I’m good with that, but you only get one shot at life it’s like hitting the lotto, so if you can make something out of it that you enjoy, best stick around, I would say at the moment I enjoy 20% of my time, ha ha I love sex and drinking a few, but it’s the other 80% I do not enjoy, the scales are tipped severely, so that brings me back to is it worth it? does that 20% make it worth being alive? you will never achieve 100% but 70% wouldn’t be so bad? realism is important as well, so really did you give it your best shot? or just struck in situation you can change? this is what I’m trying to conceder, the mountain is there do I want to climb it? or say I’ve had enough? in the end death is your friend absolute peace, but there is no more anything, happy feelings sad feelings nothing, just quite forever, which we all will obtain like it or not eventually, so quality of life is the important factor.
for some reason they never post my comments? they are always in the older comment section?
buttless for some reason they never post my comments? they are always in the older comment section?
Engeltje,
the perfect method in my opinion id the helium hood, but how long have you thought about this? days months years? death is really permanent there is no going back, you really have to think hard about that, you need to do your time, things can always turn around for you with some effort, I been thinking about it for lets say two years, I researched everything, but I’m still here, I even bought the equipment, but I’m still here, could I possibly change things? so as I can enjoy life? that is always in the back of my mind, could I tear it all down try a new route? if you can then it makes since to stick around, now that I got the gear I study what the hell is death? I’ve come to the conclusion that it is nothing more than going back to non existence, as I recall things weren’t so bad when I didn’t exist, so really I’m good with that, but you only get one shot at life it’s like hitting the lotto, so if you can make something out of it that you enjoy, best stick around, I would say at the moment I enjoy 20% of my time, ha ha I love sex and drinking a few, but it’s the other 80% I do not enjoy, the scales are tipped severely, so that brings me back to is it worth it? does that 20% make it worth being alive? you will never achieve 100% but 70% wouldn’t be so bad? realism is important as well, so really did you give it your best shot? or just struck in situation you can change? this is what I’m trying to conceder, the mountain is there do I want to climb it? or say I’ve had enough? in the end death is your friend absolute peace, but there is no more anything, happy feelings sad feelings nothing, just quite forever, which we all will obtain like it or not eventually, so quality of life is the important factor.
Read Max’s Story, It might help you out.
@Buttless,
I know killing yourself is harder then keep on living, and a feeling inside me says that I can’t die yet, that it’s unpossible. But I really wonder why I constantly have those thoughts and ideas, they drive me crazy. And not only thoughts and ideas, but also more comcrete plans. I just have a lot of questions no one can answer, and I’m getting crazy of it.
@Rocketman,
First of all, I have 4 comments of you (well, one’s from rocketman1000, but I assume that’s also you because it’s the same as your first post) So I think your comments are posted. But to reply your post, I know this whole suicidal thing isn’t just a phase, I have a miserable life since I was 5 years old (I’m now 17), and I had suicidal thoughts since I was about 10/11 years old. My suicidal thoughts got more serious when I was 12/13 and I’m making plans and looking for methods for 3 years now (since I was 14) So I’ve thought about it for years, and ofcourse there are things that are stopping me from committing suicide (because otherwise I wouldn’t be here), but those things are only my family and boyfriend. My whole life I’ve putted myself on the last place, and other people on the first place, and now I just want to choose for myself, but still I think that if I commit suicide, that I’m selfish. This all made me feel really guilty against my family and bf, even thinking about suicide makes me feel guilty. And I know death is permanent, but this is the ONLY thing I really want (or there must happen a miracle, which I don’t think will happen) It’s just a difficult thing for me… But really thank you for your post, it really makes me think about things….
@Zagibbs,
I don’t know who’s Max, is that Rocketman? But I read both post, so probably also Max’s one.
I seriously dont know y people keep thinking about suicide constantly.
And i sm so curious how many people actually died after they post suicide thought on internet.
I believe very few people..
others probably realize living is easier than dying…
they think about it cause it’s become a part of them.
i can’t say i know how many people actually kill themselves, but from experience, i know when people sincerely say it, they mean it.
living is only easier when you’ve got something worth living for. most people who want to commit have lost that or stopped caring about it.
@bye_bye,
I think you said really wise words. I think that people who want to commit suicide, have norhing left to life for, and actually life isn’t plesent anymore, it’s even worse. Why would a person life on, if they know that they will be better off if they are dead? And also, sometimes those people feel already that they are dead, but then from the inside. I still wonder sometimes that so many people have these ‘unusual’ feelings and thoughts…
If not because of terminal illness and drained off 24/7 torture, I will stick around.