What is my excuse for living?

I am 36 and have come to the conclusion that me being anything or being of human worth is getting slim. So exploring suicide has its appeal. I have just had my cheap car blow up before xmas and could not run my business anymore. I have no money and never really have I have done six years jail and have felt violence numerously and have never really enjoyed hurting others growing up. I have had heaps of broken relationships cheated on left or me stuff up. Beaten bashed abused me others. Sitting back now to reflect on the chance of me being in a relationship or having a proud place in society where people see me as an achievement. Ive been alone two years. I now look at my worth. A girl would be rapped in my life. I have no work experience. No white card no qualifications. Lost my business. Got depressed. Here have some anti depressants and some welfare. My use in society? Like what friends what money what life. Get help…been pshced out counscelled and left to sink..I mean sink here talk about bad shit have life fall apart have no appeal to the opposite sex and smile……so the answer be happy with myself…hapiness checklist…welfare….tick…..tiny bit of food..tick…high bills…tick…..self…tick………..yay…silver lining…I shall send my achievements