You only want what you can’t have.

Hey. I’m back again, and guess what? It’s about the same girl. Let’s call her Annabeth this time. So, for Christmas, me and Annabeth were pretty happy. i was saying cutesy things, and she was responding that same way. We were both pretty happy. I went to a swim camp for a week, and we facetimed every night after practice. She made it a point to get me to tell her I love her and wish her good night on FaceTime. Of course, I was happy to do so. Then, after camp, things went downhill. It all started one day when she was reading my texts but wasn’t answering any of them. Eventually, she did, and she yelled at me because she just wanted a break from me for a day, and she thought I insulted her TV shows and was fuming, although I don’t care what she watches. Then, an hour or two later, she came back, and was acting as if nothing had happened. I went along with it, not wanting to start a fight again. This continued for a week or two, maybe three, me treading lightly yet still triggering her temper. Every time I tried talking about it she blew up on me. And now, for perhaps the last week, she has gone on an emotional lockdown. She refuses to talk about emotion, whether it’s love, hate, depression, or even suicidal thoughts. We both have problems, and I’m pretty sure that she’s having some problems right now as well, since I don’t believe people just suddenly shut off their emotion. However, I feel as if this ordeal is slowly but surely tearing us apart, and I can’t let that happen. But whenever I try to bring it up, she gets angry and tells me not to talk about it and stop worrying about it. All our text conversations are about pointless, arbitrary things without form, and I cannot even have debates with her because she gets angry at me, even though she used to have intelligent conversations all the time without either one of us getting angry. We could even debate religion. I’m agnostic, and she’s Christian. But nevermind that. Now, she seems to brush off any FaceTime attempts, and she takes ages to answer my texts, and oftentimes its a simple “K”. But I love her so much. I have no way of knowing if she loves me back anymore, but I can’t leave her. If she leaves me, I don’t know how of handle it. I’ve been having fantasies centring around my eventual suicide. And I have no doubt that I would end it all if she severs this fucked up relationship we have. I know it’s irrational and stupid to want to kill myself over a girl, but she is my life. She is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. I really need advice on what to do. Please. I’m scared.

EDIT: Oh, how could I forget the biggest part? She moved. She’s at a different school an hour or two away from me, and of course I cannot visit her. Perhaps I can see her when I have swim meets in her area, but it’s unlikely my parents will allow it. They know she’s hurt me, but they don’t understand how much I love her. Please don’t tell me that I should cut off communications with her because she’s gone, because that’s not happening, although I know that’s the smart thing to do. Also, I have given her a golden necklace and a tigerseye ring, so as to make sure she remembers me. I suppose subconsciously, I may have been trying to buy her love. I still don’t know if that was a good idea, but whatever. I need relationship advice, and fast. I am constantly vowing not to talk with her, but every night I tell her I love her and wish her a good night, and every morning I bid her good morning and tell her she is beautiful. I don’t know if I should stop that.