Depression is an illness and so is bipolar but life is a disease for which there is no cure. I’m sick of these fuken feel good therapists- they live inside a bubble that they wont break out of fear,and have permanent rose coloured glasses on-maybe ignorance is bliss- if it doesn’t penetrate the mind then it doesn’t matter . What about them god lovers they live in their own worlds too if something goes wrong they see it as a lesson from god and praise and are delighted by this! Nothing makes sense anymore -and nothing really matters!! No one can see behind the masks that I use to hide my pain, my misery. I wish I was dead
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Hi suicidalfalure. You are not the only warped one. I agree that nothing makes sense and nothing matters. I don’t blame God for my problems or thank him for my fortunes. I make my own sense, if that makes any sense. It’s all subjective, really. I don’t feel that I’m trapped in a bubble of ignorant bliss, pretending everything is fine and denying my problems. I tackle my problems head on. I confront my issues, I make my own meaning in life, and I do whatever I can to improve myself and feel better about myself as a person. I’ve tried killing myself a number of times, but eventually I’ve realized that death is inevitable. Objectively, the only guarantee in life is that you will some day die. Why rush it? If nothing truly matters, then why are you miserable? You have to care about something to be miserable. What do you care about? What do you want to do before you die?
I’m warped too. There is no solution but death. In the meantime, we suffer.
Thanks divisionday
I’m just tired, what I think I want always turns out to be not what I thought I wanted if that makes any sense. Sometimes I just wish I could run away and hide from what?? Well from me. I’m 41 and would have thought by now I would have my shit together and stop feeling like I’m drowning all the time. I was a kid that was her fathers toy for his sexual gratification for 10 years, and the thrown away and treated as a leper the one at fault. Various other bastards did the same to me family friends etc. I found the world of drugs as my crutch in and out if rehab. A mother at 17, alone making so many fucked up choices in men relationships etc. don’t get me wrong I did settle with someone and its been 15yrs of stability but he’s not aware of how I feel or what I think I hide it very well. I had an injury a couple of years ago and now suffer chronic pain which brings me down all
the time, it cripples me somedays. You know I’m sick to death of constantly been told I have mental disorders from borderline personality disorder to PTSD to major depression and now I’m fuking bipolar – I don’t think anyone understands me . For gods sake no one can pin point which mental illness I have so I’m on endless trial and error of drugs. If I open up and tell them how I really feel they will lock me up and throw away the key. I was put in a mental hospital at 16 and it’s was one of the experiences that I attribute to traumas I have been through. I just wanna crawl in a hole fall asleep and never wake up to another day of life….. I was only just hospitalized last week from taking too many tegretols(carbamazepine). I feel trapped, worthless and fucking useless- OMG I AM JUST FUCKING WARPED!!! This is a snippet of my life, and I’m miserable and just don’t feel I can do it anymore( hide behind the mask of everything’s okay cause it NOT!!)
I don’t want to feel no more, I don’t want to have emotions .
I’m just better off dead