Anonymity for the Win for the Hanna Montana Harlot with Curious Hair

Jubilee, Jubilee
Wherefore art thou identity?
Seriously who the fuck is this chick?

I have spent two and a half nights, probably the most I have ever spent investigating this type of mystery, trying to find the real name of the attractive real doll-esque pig-tailed, vibrantly clothed, childishly accessorized actress. Yes, I admit, I like pig tailed, vibrantly clothed, childishly accessorized, adorably sexy females. But I am not a pedophile. I like those clothes to be strainingly stretched across well developed breast, a shapely buttocks, and a sexy ID with a birthdate before 1996. Hot damn.

So with that introduction, that will hopefully hold up in court, here is the video of the anonymous actress playing Jubilee in an uproariously funny Pete Holmes sketch comedy series titled Ex-Men, that makes me bust a gut laughing when its not busy making me adjust my pants for…reasons. (Seriously, or rather hilariously, youtube this series. This is the least funny one. The Gambit one is alone worth the time investment)

So, that brings me back to my question, who is my mysterious woman playing reverse ‘mommy-dress-up’? I have checked IMDB, read all the nerdy comments on youtube (on every single one of these sketches, fanboys come to the rescue of their favorite besmirched ex-men with a straight faced lack of comedic self awareness and dork evidence that makes their words an extra poindexter themed joke in and of themselves), I have searched both Google and Dogpile and got a pile of nothing except lap frustration. Nobody is twit twatting about it on Twitter either.

Why this failure in the so called information age? In a world where the NSA can read what I write here (seriously, I hate icky children. Not a pedo), where an unnamed elf extra in Lord of the Rings gets identified, a fan made website, and a post release name (Figwit which stands for, I kid you not, Frodo is grea…who is THAT?!?!”), where I know the name of Michelle Jenneke because she does a smiling, sexy, pony tail swooshing boogie dance before she engages in hurdling, which contorts her face into what is unmistakeably the same face worn by men at the peak of enjoying her dance…where all this is possible, why do I not know this actrass’s real life name?!? A woman with a face that has been seen by over half a million people. A face that at no point reminds me of another man’s happy time. No fucking justice. Internet? More like interlet me down.