This is related to http://suicideproject.org/2014/02/31st-of-may-2014/
I know this place is more of a message board but I want a public record of my efforts. Also this way if I’m doing anything wrong or just plain stupid then somebody can tell me.
Day 1. Wednesday 5th of February.
My initial thoughts were that I needed to spread my wings a little so I booked some time off work and booked a trip to Vietnam. I have a friend that lives there and he says I can stay a few weeks. I’ve never been before and I figured that if These are my final months I need to see some of the world.
Also I’ve decided to stop taking my medication. The anti psychotics keep me too lucid and I need to live on instinct and impulse. I’ve also decided to write a book. I’ve always wanted to try and this may be my last chance. I’ve already roped a friend in to proof read it for me.
I got a bit over emotional at my housemate, but it was her fault. She can be such a cow at times. Not that she knows what I’m dealing with, I’m very good at hiding it.
Teresa at work cheered me up though. She’s such a pleasant lady to be around sometimes. She’s the closest thing to a friend I have here.
Anyway it’s a reasonable start. I hope I find something in writing to keep me going.
14 comments
Your not doing anything wrong. Keep it up, im Interested to follow along.
Oh by the way I hope that trip to Vietnam goes swell. Your quite lucky, I always wanted to travel to an Asian country or at least European. What country are you from if you dont mind me asking?
As for the medication, do whats gonna make you feel good. Just keep them as backup as a contingency plan if you ever feel you need them.
But if it helps congratulations for taking that bold step.
What kind of book are thinking of writing about if you dont mind me asking?
But overall I wish you good luck.
Be safe and take care.
Hello there. I’m from the UK and the book is going to be a sci fi/ revolutionary thriller hybrid.
I know where my meds are if I need them. But right now I want to think clearly.
Feeblefish, I like your journey you are starting out on. Hopefully you start to piece together the “meaning” you searching for.
Day two: Thursday the 6th February
It’s my mum’a birthday in about eleven days. So I need to get her something nice. Shopping is difficult for me. I don’t do well in crowds and the city centre is always packed. Instead I looked to nearby Bletchley where the streets are a bit less rammed.
Bletchley is a dying town. It always has been for as long as I can remember. But it has character. I grew up here so I guess you could call it home. I stopped by Saint Mary’s to tend to Clair and Bea’s plots. Hard to imagine how long it has been since I visited. It’s been nearly two years since Clair passed and nearly nine since Bea passed. Thinking about it was getting me down so I deweeded an left.
Sat down to write another chapter of my book, it’s flowing well but I just know writers block is around the corner.
Good job friend,. I think it’s going to get better for you.
Day 3:Friday the 7th February.
Well this one got off to a corker. I drank way too much last night. Fortunately I was able to convince work I had a virus.
Slept most of the day away. I’m such an idiot.
Day 4: Saturday the 7th February
Football was cancelled due to waterlogged pitch. So wandered into town to get my new glasses. I’d forgotten how textured everything is. Ran into a random guy named Greig and got chatting. We ended up going to see the Lego movie. It’s pretty good. Have I made a friend? He seems pretty level but I always have my doubts.
Drinking again. Got to keep it under control.
Day 5: Sunday the 8th February
Okay so apparently I’ve made a friend. This is odd for me, I’m really not used to this.
We hung out for a bit today and ended up seeing another movie. When I got back home I was greeted by my fucking awful housemate. I’m not a naturally rude person, but I will fucking verbally crush anyone who dares to be rude to me.
Disgusting *****.
It’s funny because she acts tough, but inside she’s an emotional time bomb. It’s easy to turn her bullshit back on her.
Reading that back. Maybe I’m the nasty one?
Who cares. I had an alright day and I wasn’t about to let her ruin it.
Well,I am glad you made a friend today Feeblefish! Try not to crush others……out may feel good at the time but in time looking back…Well it can get tough. On a lighter note, how did you meet your new friend?
Are you still with us Feeblefish ? I’m kinda worried here 🙁
Sorry to scare everyone. Some things went awry and also I’m kiNd of on holiday at the moment.
I’ve stopped counting the days but will continue.
So I’m in ‘nam now. It’s lovely. I’m drinking a rediculously cheap coffee in a cafe over looking the floating market.
Getting away has helped though my writing has hit the bricks. I’m kind of disappointed in myself for that. The locals are nice, but when you live in a subtropic paradise I imagine positivity comes easy… or not, whatever.
I just want to spend this time in a detached haze. Drinking snakes blood liqueur tonight. Should be an experience.
Also oLir I met Greig completely randomly. I went to get some new glasses and sat next to him in the waiting room. Got chatting and ended up hanging out.
Feeblefish! That is great you had an enjoyable holiday in Vietnam. Or am I jumping to conclusions? Tell us more!
Im glad you’re still here feeblefish. you got me worried here