Time is ticking away on my deadline because I’m going damn near insane. Yet I make every excuse to stick around and to hope for things to get better. What a fucking waste. I’m at a point where I satisfied with dying. I still don’t feel like I don’t have much to live for and I’m wasting away (it feels like it). I can sense the slight frustration my mom is having with my unemployment (it’s been a ***** to find a job). Two degrees + debt = biggest waste and regret of my fucking life. I understand her in everyway. I turned and looked at her in the car and said, “Something’s got to give. A change has got to happen. But don’t you worry. Because it won’t be long. And I’ll make sure of that.” I don’t know if she thought much of it, but at this point my soul is tired. I attempted four years ago with an overdose. Such an amateur I was. I’m gonna make it work THIS time.
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I’ve been out of work for a couple of months but I’m ok because Cheltenham will save me. You however, should register with as many job sites as possible. All most employers care about is finding someone cheap, competent, trustworthy and so ambitious that they’ll stay in the same low paid job forever. As long as you can get that message across you’ll get there.
Shitttttttttttt Im insane. I hope you get better ArtnHeaven I dont know if I will been hanging by a thread for years. WHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY
@Art: I’m right there with you. I wonder where all the people are with their promises things will definitely get better if “you” just stick around. As the interest on six-figure loans accrues daily. As the job candidate pools explode and become more and more competitive with the swelling tide of multi-degree graduates who don’t find jobs they’ve been trained for and so compete for anything available. As the cost of living continues to mushroom despite stagnant wages. As the weeks turn into months and years so that academic and professional credentials become less and less valuable because they haven’t been used in ways employers consider worthwhile over the interim you’re seeking a survivable wage.
Where are the myriad permutations of, “Oh, cheer up. It’ll definitely get better–I promise!”
Something’s got to give, indeed.
Bingo! I owe WAY more than the average college student. I laugh when I hear that the average student owes X amount of debt. But then again, I chose to go to the colleges I did (both prestigious). Unfortunately, I was sold a hope and a dream about how it would pay off. Between student loans and everything else, people have NO idea how much debt I’m in. I had to see a bankruptcy lawyer at 24. Guess what? I still haven’t been able to pay the retainer fees because employment is so hard to come by.
Unemployment and debt is not the only source of my depression. But still it seems like nothing is working in my favor. Try putting out a fire with spit. These luscious rainbows and happy endings are bullshit. Maybe in another dimension, but not here.
I’d hate to be “selfish” (I hate that fucking word), but I can’t stick around to make other people happy when I am miserable every fucking millisecond of my life.
Education is never a waste. The experience is priceless. Finding employment wouldn’t have been any easier unless you obtained an apprenticeship or unpaid work experience.
You’ve fallen on hard times. Treat the depression and then look at way to dig yourself out. After leaving college and having setbacks, you’ve lost your confidence. It’s not going to come back overnight.
If you approach a difficult task expecting to fail you’re more likely to than with a positive mindset.
I understand nothings happening, you’re regressing and it doesn’t look like turning around.
Because you’ve spent your life in school, you’ve been put under pressure to conform to a certain way of life. You expect that work will be rewarded and are afraid to jeopardise what you have.
You’re a bankrupt. The worst has already happened. You’ve hit rock bottom so take the pressure off.
I can definitely sympathize with student loan debt. The only reason I’m still here (on earth) is because if I don’t pay it off it will fall on my parents, as my father is my cosigner and my mom took out one of the loans for me. It could get discharged, I believe in my death (the one my mom took out) but she’d still need to pay taxes on it as if it were income. It’s called “cancellation of debt” which qualifies as income. So even if you cancel a $12,000 loan you’d still probably have to pay $2-$3k at the end of the year in taxes on that money. Since loans are considered income if you never pay it back for whatever reason.
I’m curious how much you owe Art, I’d be happy to share with you my debt trials and tribulations. I’m sure you owe more tho with 2 prestigious schools under your belt. Have you made sure that the loans were never cosigned and the debt won’t transfer over? I’m sure you’ve looked into it but just tossing that out there. Debt + grief might be more than some can handle.
If you ever get yourself stabilized with employment and if your loans are in one lump sum (consolidated) I can give you a few tricks of the trade on how to lower that debt quickly. Too bad I didn’t realize my insight when I should have. I realize over time I overpaid them too much by the way I was paying. Granted I only borrowed 6000 in 4 years time. I can only imagine what you owe what with your educational background.
I believe you can get it discharged in terms of disability.
See if you can get a reduced payment plan that you can afford or just get the loans deferred if you cannot afford to pay anything. If a student loan company sees that you are at least trying to keep the minimum paid til you get on your feet, they won’t harass you about paying more. They will be glad they are getting what is owed to them. Always stay in contact even if you fall on hard times. They should be more understanding considering this economy!
AHAHA You’re curious as to how much I owe? So much that I’ve NEVER told a soul. We’re talking about BIG money here. But oh well, who fucking cares if I’m not here anymore. I owe over 200k (only student loans alone). The interest on these loans has FUCKED ME UP.
I do know that if I were to die, they would be discharged. I have no cosigners. It’s just kind of annoying when even temp agencies can’t help you or you’re too overqualified to be a server in a restaurant.
I don’t necessarily believe in not paying my bills, but I have nothing to give…I have nothing to give.
Needless to say, I have other issues. Thank God my mother and her family is open to me being gay. But it doesn’t matter because I don’t really date or go out. It’s like being a single male. My dad’s never really been in my life so no connection with him or his family. I’m okay with that. At 25, I’ve never been in a relationship and don’t really date, I spent the longest with low self-esteem and then eventually I began to love and accept myself for who I was. But still that wasn’t enough.
I don’t think one person in this world to think I didn’t fight hard enough. I fought my HARDEST. It has not been unrecognized by others. But what happens when you can’t fight anymore? You’re tired. I try not to ever step into a situation feeling “defeated” because that is exactly what you will attract. I have fallen flat on my face, mourned a bit and got back up and tried again (or something else). But as I keep reiterating, I’m tired. The older I get and the more I see friends, family members and others progressing well into that careers, I can’t help but feel like a failure.
Yeah life may go on…but how much more suffering does one have to go through? Things may get better BUT for how long? I refuse to suffer another 5 to 10 years only to be happy for 1 years. That’s ridiculous to me.
If you knew my story, you’d be very shocked to know I’ve made it 25. I don’t even know how I did it. I guess that bullshit on “hope”, “prayer” and “things get better.”
I hate that fucking campaign, “It Get’s Better.” I think it’s bullshit. You never know what life has in store for you.
I cleaned my bathroom and now I’m about to clean the bedroom. No point in leaving everything in disarray.
I don’t think I could leave without leaving some type of note. I would hate for anyone to feel responsible for my choice.
@Duke of Marmalade: With all due respect, I beg to differ. Moreover, I think only the person purchasing something can decide if it has been worth what he or she has paid for it. I can’t, honestly, believe someone would tell another person what his experiences–financial or otherwise–should be worth to him.
OK, I’ll bow out. I really don’t want to write anything offensive here.
I honestly feel my education was a waste. Maybe I should’ve picked a different major. Idk. I don’t care at this point. All I know is death is much better than living. What the fuck is there to live for? People? I think not. I’m not one of those people who sit around and complain about how life sucks. I have tried my hardest to make life work for me and it’s exhausting. I’m just tired at this point.
EK2020 my comment clearly touched a nerve triggering your biased opinion. That was before he claimed he’d spent over 200k on it. Of course that’s a ridiculous amount of money to spend on schooling. The top universities tend to attract the rich kids or those poor enough to be subsidised.
If I owed that much money I’d never pay it back. I’d tell them I’m not paying it. They can’t take what they can’t find.
All I can do is laugh at it. I’ve been studying my finances very carefully to make sure no one else has to pick up the slack from MY mistake. Let’s just say I have money management skills and several people in my family have had to file bankruptcy. Generational curse? Idk.
I’ve laid out a nice suit to be viewed in. I want to be cremated and I’ve always felt that way.
At this point, I’m kind of firm with my decision. No debt isn’t the only reason, but definitely a factor.
@Duke: Sorry if I offended. Wasn’t my intention. But student loan debt in the USA is not a trivial matter. Lives are destroyed by crushing debt students exchange for a promise of employability. Nor is it entirely their fault. Universities are savvy business machines and know how to manipulate the young and (separately) the desperate. That’s not a “biased opinion.” It’s a very well documented economic and sociological phenomenon. It is a surviving myth that an education, at today’s exploding costs, is worth the investment. Students would be far better served pursuing needed skills in short, affordable diploma programs, and as early as possible learning to invest the difference in a variety of short & long-term investment portfolios–vital survival skills our “schools” rarely, if ever, teach.
As for the intellectual development most academic programs purport to realize, there are outstanding alternatives through some of the planet’s finest research institutions freely available to the public. Urbanity and scholasticism are no longer the exclusive province of expensive universities (including state schools and community colleges whose tuitions also have grown significantly), as they rightly should not be.
Yes, it’s a “nerve” for me because the US “higher” educational system is irrational and broadly deleterious.
@EK2020 You are right. It amazes me how many older people will place blame on my generation for not being “smart” and how they paid their way through school and how lazy we were. Tuition a lot then was much more cheaper. Additionally, we were sold the bullshit dream from them and their kids that these loans would be a “pay off” in the end. The recession fucked a lot of things up.
I’ve found that when most universities are done with you, they’re done. Not unless you’re some alumni giving back a great deal of money.
I didn’t major in underwater basket waving. I have a B.S. in Chemistry. Of course, they all tell me I don’t have enough “professional” work experience because I went straight to graduate school after undergrad. FUCK YOU.
If I could start all over, I would’ve taken most of my pre-reqs (like a friend of mine did) DURING high school. By the time she entered our college, she was only there for three years.
By no means am I anti-education, but I wish someone would’ve set me down and really explained to me is it worth it.
But aside from education….I have a plethora of other issues. Everything has been crashing down at once. I’m not one to avoid things, but I’m tired of fighting. This is getting me nowhere.
@Art: I am sincerely, deeply sorry your life has been so painful. I do, however, validate much of what you’ve shared. If I could take the pain away, I would in an instant.
@Duke: One more point, Duke–and thanks for your patience. You can indeed choose not to pay back student debt, but it is one of the only types of debt (federal student loans) in the USA that cannot be discharged through bankruptcy. Once you’ve assumed it, it sticks for life except under extremely difficult to win cases.
I’m from the UK and fortunate to have lived in a time when tuition fees were lower than they are. My undergraduate was partly subsidised. In my day (and I’m not that old) University was about independence, going out, making friends, hooking up with girls. That’s the experience I refer to more than the knowledge acquired in lectures. Eventually, you forget that and it becomes outdated and irrelevant.
I’m not that familiar with insolvency. We pay very low interest on student loans in the UK. I think it’s around 2%. Payments are deducted at source. If you’re unemployed you don’t have to pay anything. If you’re adjudged bankrupt here I think the student loan is unaffected but other debts are cleared. After 6 years the slate is wiped clean.
Here you wouldn’t be allowed to get in that kind of debt.
There are always loopholes and ways around things. Even if there was an attachment on future earnings deducted from source, i’d get out of it.
You’re right. Going to university now is not worthwhile. I believe it should be accessible to everyone and would be happy for my taxes to contribute even though I have no children of my own.
@Duke: Very tastefully done, Duke.