I hate my life. And I would like to end it. I always wanted to wait until I finished writing my memoir. But I realized that all I need to do is leave a detailed note.
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That is pretty close to the reason I’m still alive. I am working on a memoir, in the name of somebody else, and feel like I should live until I finish it. Just to fulfill the respect I think I need to give. But some days are bad. Some days I think ‘What difference does it make if I finish it or not’? And then I just feel like dying right then and there all over again. Just like you said, all that needs to be done now, is to write a note. I write plenty of ‘suicide notes’, most of them of which end up in the garbage. So once I finish a good one, I can go. . . right?
But I think there is something to hold on to. Somewhere. It might just be that we have to search for it before giving up. Of course most of us have tried searching. Have we searched our hardest though?
I don’t know, but I hope something good can find you Nathaniel_Morisawa. 🙂
I don’t know if you’ll end up reading this, but whatever.
My primary motivation for writing a memoir before I commit suicide is that people may know the final truth about me. I’ve lived all my life horribly misunderstood by others and I wish to right that wrong, if you will.
And as for “searching.” Well… Searching was never really practical of me. If you mean, “wait for good things to happen,” then I would say that’s been just as impractical. Good things come. And just as soon as they arrive, they depart.
And I’m sick of being toyed with.
Anyways, thank you for the good luck wish regardless. Likewise, I hope something good may find you all the same.
By the way, your writing is very strong, I can tell. Is there anything else you’re writing/have written?