Today, once everyone leaves me alone, I think I’ll cut. Nobody ever took away my knife when they found out about my depression.
I though I would stop cutting, but I really feel very guilty for some reason. I feel like I smother her. If I didn’t dive in too deep with her, if I didn’t fall so deeply into love with her, maybe she would still care for me. It’s my fault.
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for me, depression does not equal taking someone’s knife away. We don’t all cut when we’re depressed.
Anyway, I get how you feel. I too am in a “I’m the problem” mood.
“There’s no accounting for taste.”
You can’t control what other people like or want. Most girls seem to embellish their expression of feelings for others… and then it seems “shocking” when they “change their mind.” What really happened is that she never liked you that much, regardless of what she said; OR, she *thought* she did, until she found someone else she liked even more. This is just the way things work. No need to “blame yourself” for anything, other than not being cautious enough with your trust. Now you know. Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t earn it. People will say things, which often are not true. Learn to know the difference, even when they’re trying their best to fool you.
you can’t/shouldn’t blame yourself for being enticed and mislead. It’s not your fault someone seemed to offer what you wanted, and then “took it back.” This will happen repeatedly, if you allow it.
Thing is, she did earn my trust. We were both very close even before depression started creeping in. It must be my fault, however, because I was always the person to get all mushy and I invested far too much into her, and I suppose that’s the wrong thing to do.
@The Glass Child Actually, everyone already found out that I cut. I got careless last week, and the night before I was reported to the guidance counselor, I cut my neck. Obviously, it’s rather hard to hide a cut like that, and my family put two and two together.
Its never wrong to invest into people. You obviously cared and actually had feelings for her. That not your fault.
If it was meant to be then ot wasnt meant to be. Regardless the amount of love or affection you could have invested if her feelings are swayed by her own interest and desires. Its really does suck, but if she had a falling out nothing couldnt have prevented that.
You have make a choice now to contemplate the what ifs or move on with your life like she did. It hurts and I understand this completely. Give your self time to grieve. Cry, be angry, be sad and allow yourself you feel these feelings. Its going to be a hell of a ride, but your just go na have to strap down and ride it. But learn from this. Embrace the mistakes you made, learn when its right to love and begin to heal. Realize what went wrong, and just move on.
Its time for yourself. Do what makes you happy. I am not going to tell you to forget her or hate her. Embrace the time spent with her, be happy and enjoy and be fond of your friendship and love you once shared. Times will change, you will grow and be someone new. But learn to let her go and live.
Take care.
Your family could have taken that blade away. But its ultimately up to you if you want to get rid of that blade. No one else can stop you except yourself. They left it so you can choose if you wanna get better or not.
I’m sorry, i didnt know that.
I wish people would care more about you
in what universe is falling deeply in love with another a person ‘a fault’ ?
certainly it can cause intense pain, if it isn’t reciprocated, but that’s not ‘a fault’
‘a fault” is when you commit gratuitous cruel acts against someone
It wasn’t meant to be. True love is when two people really want to be with each other, obviously it wasn’t true love. It is better to know that now than later. There is someone somewhere that can change your life forever, you just have not met that person yet.
Look back and smile for what you had. It is all about attitude. Positive attitudes attracts positive people. Of course, you already knew that. Getting that positive attitude and keeping it when there are so much negatives around is difficult to do. But to do it, you first have to leave the negative thoughts behind.
Hobbies are a great way to escape negativity. That is what I do, and it works. It is not a cure, but a coping tool to deal with it.
@N2Trouble I swim for 2 1/2 hours everyday, as part of a competitive swim team. Hobbies cannot help me anymore, unfortunately.
I don’t want to leave her behind…
So if you hadn’t loved her so much, she would have been able to still love you? If that is true that makes her sound pretty terrible to be honest. Sounds like her fault, not yours. If she can’t accept your love, then she’s probably not worth it in the end. But I know it’s hard to not constantly think about this and that, what you could have done and shouldn’t have done, and maybe things could have been different. But, although I hate to say it, from what little I know about this relationship judging from your comments, it seems like it was destined to fail at some point anyways. You’re a bit more needy and dependent than she is I think. Not that that’s a bad thing, I’m the same way.