Why should it be taboo to kill ourselves? Just because other people don’t want it doesn’t make it abnormal. I don’t understand why people want to continue living with all the shit they have to deal with. Wake up, go to school/work/, eat, sleep, rinse, repeat. I’ve had relationships, but to me they’re more trouble than they’re worth. I don’t want to have kids. I care about my family, but that’s a tiny portion of life. It’s not enough to keep me going because I still have to be me every day and it’s exhausting. The rest is work, eat, sleep, fuck, etc. That’s what is driving me over the edge. Bored to fucking death with it all, and life’s distractions aren’t enough to make me forget how much this all just blows fucking goats. I just don’t get it. Death is what I want, what I’ve always wanted for several years. This isn’t just a phase, I’ve been here long enough to make my determinations about this planet, and it is not what I want. So just because somebody else says that that is not what they want, I’m supposed to just sit and deal with it. Well that’s all I’ve been doing for the past few years. I’m just alive out of habit……
23 comments
I agree with you. This is our life, why cant we decide if we want to kill our selves or not. There are all of these rights movements going on, but once a person is suicidal they dont have the right to their own life anymore.
I think it might be because people have a tendency to think that “It is only temporary, things will get better.” Some people cant imagine that suicidal thoughts can last years with depressed people.
I feel there are several factors that make suicide so taboo. The main one being you never get feedback from the ones that complete it. No thumbs up and hearing, “It was everything I thought it would be!” Just don’t have that kind of feedback. Also, it’s the finality of it all. That’s what makes me standoffish.
I agree with the numbing cycle. I’m in it now and please guide me to the exit door!
The finality is part of what makes me crave it. I know there will be a definite end to what I am experiencing. No point in sticking around for “what ifs” ya know? What if it’s worse on the other side? Yeah but what if it’s better? What if it’s nothing(oh please let it be!) Nobody knows which it is and anyone that claims to is lying through their teeth and they know it. So, the one thing I do know is that there will be a definite end to the reality I am currently in. And that is very enticing indeed.
I’m putting my chips on nothing is on the other side.
Well if the finality attracts you to it….you are probably very close then. Something must be holding you back.
That’s my bet as well. As I said, the only thing holding me back is my conscience. I know the effect it will have on my family. I know people who have completed suicide and I have seen the effects. Part of my self loathing is hating the fact that I feel bad about the effects I know it would have on my family. However the scary/exciting thing for me is, the thread that’s holding everything together at the moment is slowly unraveling and I feel the end creeping closer. Each day I feel more and more… Capable
What’s the thread?
My conscience
I feel less and less guilt about the effect it will have on my family every day.
My temper is getting shorter.
I crave the release it will bring more and more.
I feel that something is going to give soon, whether that be my sanity, or my ability to keep myself from going through with it.
I completely understand how you feel. I’m living out of habit too. The only thing holding me back is my nephews, but don’t know how much longer that’s gonna hold me back. The one person who really knows about my suicidal thoughts just fucking tells me that I’m gonna be fine, and I just think to myself “fuck yeah I’m gonna be ok once I become sleeping beauty forever and don’t have to deal with anyone’s bullshit anymore. I have tried to kill myself three times and obviously I’ve fucking failed. So for now I think I’ve survived for a random stupid reason I’m waiting to find out. If it feels like it’s taking to long for me to find out, I’ll decide there was no reason to begin with and I’ll just have to come up with a better way to end my book and make sure it works
I know what you mean. One of the things I hear a lot is “This too shall pass”
Yeah, it may pass, but there’s always something right behind it to make me totally regret pushing through the bad time.
I have not attempted yet, not out of fear, but because I know that when I do, it will not be an attempt, I will be successful.
I myself am getting tired of waiting to see what the hell is so great about life that people tell me not to end it.
I just don’t find the enjoyment from life that others do. It has seemed so pointless to me even when I was a child, and now that I’ve made it into my 30’s I just don’t think I am able to enjoy life. And if I find no enjoyment in it, why the hell am I supposed to stick around?
Hahaha you should of seen the Christian article I read about joy and living through struggles. lol
It just fucking irritates me so much when people tell me I choose to feel this way and I should just be grateful for what I have and be happy. That’s retarded. They can’t tell me how I should feel or think. They have no idea what goes through my head every second. I tried to be “happy” but it just made me realized I’m different and I can’t fake happiness. I’m pretty fucking sure a lot of people out there fakes happiness so they can ignore the fucking reality that life sucks
I know, one of the reasons suicide is so taboo is because of the way it makes other people feel. If ,as Bipolar had mention above, we had feedback from the people who have been successful, the stigma might not be so intense. Can you imagine if suicide was an accepted practice? It probably isn’t because then most of the world would be dead once they realize how much it fucking blows!
I would just like to know what’s the ultimate goal of life??? Go to school, get a job and wake up everyday to go to work so the money you make you will pay to someone else??? Or have children and raise them?? All these things fucking blow. It should be only our choice what we wanna do with OUR “life” I realized how much life blows when I was 12. Throughout the years I’ve only confirmed life is fucking retarded, all we do is work and be responsible for others
Exactly, who the hell wants to go through such a boring fucking existence. Oh yes there are plenty of exciting things to distract us from life, but in the end it is still there to punch you in the face. Thanks but no thanks.
Finally found someone who sees life the way it is!! We all die one day but I’m sure as hell I won’t let life decide when I should die. It has “done” enough for me
You guys are getting pumped up!
Probably the only thing that does excite me these days!
“It just fucking irritates me so much when people tell me I choose to feel this way and I should just be grateful for what I have and be happy.”
Exactly. It tends to make me want to punch them in the face as hard as possible, and then say “why do you choose to feel this way? You should be grateful i didn’t also gouge your eyes out!”
You should punch them so they can kinda understand. The only way for anyone to understand the way we feel is to be in our “shoes”
Whenever people tell me this is my choice, I just ignore them now and don’t even argue w/ them anymore bcuz they are simply retarded
It’s not a choice, it just is. That is the problem and people just don’t get it.
Like we woke up one day and said ” I know I’m really happy right now, but fuck it I’m
going to hate life instead”
Clever — I can’t tell you how many faces I’ve wanted to punch!
@karen:
The problem is: stupidity isn’t illegal, but punching stupid people is (unless they initiate combat, or make a legally justifiable, viable threat).
And so, in such instances, the only way to make them understand, is illegal and caries consequences too severe for what would be gained through such an action. Cost:Benefit analysis shows that leaving them stupid is “better” than incurring the cost of forcibly adjusting their paradigm.
Finally a place tor share my thoughts in the way I desire. I’m losing more and more patience with life everyday. Now it’s got to the point where family, the only thing that kept me fighting is rapidly losing it’s effect. Yes people annoy me who think suicide is selfish but it’s only because they have no fuckin idea how completely pointless this existence is.
I have been working on my spirituality for many years now and have learnt about the other side and of what truly caused me to become the mess I am today. I suffer from social anxiety and depression and according to a healer it stemmed for years of declining self worth. I was a happy child but also hypersensitive to emotion, living on a low vibrational planet, it didn’t take long for negative emotions to destroy my reality. Growing up I was a bit of a retard, always wanting to play and be stupid. As I became conscious of reality things went downhill, seems like I was beginning to realize how pointless this life was.
I begin working on the therapy but it is very slow progress and recently I went to back to feeling a low and shit as I first started. I’m so over this pathetic existence, I’ve never attempted suicide but when I do I will succeed. Death, I feel is calling me and soon I’ll be in far greater existence to this. For those who think this is the only existence you are mistaken. Your body and the physical world is what you can see, but we also have a spiritual body and coinciding with that is the spiritual plain of earth as does each planet.
When we die or astral project out spiritual bodies separate from are physical and we are move to earth’s plain, I still have nof yet perfect astral projection but if I die I don’t have to 😉 I don’t know for sure but I’ve heard there is the council of light residing in the highest vibration in the universe AKA heaven. That is where I look forward to existing, as a non physical entity, a spirit, there is no limits and no discomfort. I read somewhere that we as souls chose to exist here, if that’s the case, I don’t know what I was thinking.
If anyone has any questions I would be happy to answer them.