As hard as i try to get over you, you come back.. Telling me your sorry and getting me to believe your stupid, drunken or sober lies. You get my hopes up and even every time i know they will crash right back down, i still believe you. I try to talk to others, but i cannot get feelings for them, all i want is you. I know i shouldn’t have you. Any who, ever since New Years I feel into a deep depression, i stopped eating, dropped a good 15 pounds, slept more, had absolutely no ambition to do a thing. Cutting came back even though i tried so harder. The deeper i cut, the better it felt.. I cried every night for 5 hours.. I had 9 random break downs in one day. I overdosed.. I just, i don’t understand why I love you so much, everyone can tell me i’m dumb for it and what not, but i can’t help it.. I kinda figured out all my friends are fake, so that makes it better. Guess i’ll make a new friend with alcohol, I’m going to be honest.. I’d rather go to an alternative school so i can get my s*** together, i’m failing 6 classes out of 8.. Wow.. That’s not good. I’ve noticed when i get upset i cannot breath, i feel trapped. I can’t think straight, and i start shaking and thinking of the worse? What is it? What’s wrong with me? I feel like I’m slipping away..
Oh, Just get over yourself Kailee, You’re being pathetic..
2 comments
Unfortunately, the heart wants what the heart wants, and I don’t think anyone has a particularly satisfying answer–and people have been writing about it for thousands of years! No one can complete us, but self acceptance is a good step towards healthy relationships.
I can appreciate you making a friend of alcohol. I used to spend most nights on base at the Garrison club just…drinking back my depression and troublesome past. I think you may be infatuated with this individual, I ain’t sure if that’s a healthy thang or not, but be aware of it anyhow. A coordinated effort from the full spectrum of our sentience (mind, body and soul) should see you right; no one aspect should ever dictate your actions in regards to a particular situation or series of events.
The Corps of Engineers had a saying of theirs which may or may not apply to your situation; build a bridge, and get over it.
Stay safe out there, Kailee.