falling apart

something is going on with my body. this new “fun” thing just started.  i am having trouble speaking-getting tongue tied. people talk to me and i can’t understand what they are saying. sounds like gibberish to me. i am shaking like crazy. the weakness i have been having has spread to the rest of me.  feeling like i am watching myself from afar. i am drifting away . making myself invisible . having a lot of trouble concentrating on what it is i am doing. feeling anxious about leaving my house. i know i should go in to see my shrink. it is obvious the meds are messing with me. got an appt in two weeks and i am not inclined to make another one. i have been debating with myself whether or not to keep next week’s therapy appt. the drive to sabotage myself is a strong one. it keeps telling me that no one gives a shit anyway so why bother. it tells me i am worthless. so go ahead with plan termination. i have never felt so lost.