OK, before I start I want to say that this IS the absolute truth, none of this is in my head!
I have been having suicidal thoughts for a while now.The only person I have ever told is my big sis.She just says that I should stop acting stupid.She just doesn’t get how I feel.I’m living my life half-asleep. I’m in high school (my sis goes to uni). I just sit through classes, I try to concentrate yet I always end up just staring at my teacher with a blanc mind.I write lyrings on my hands to cheer myself up. I have thought of suicide many times but I always wanted the easy way out pills won’t work and I don’t think I’m capable of anything else.I don’t think I will ever really do it(unless taking pills will work).I find myself wanting to cut but I don’t because I don’t want my parents to see the marks. The truth is I’m fat , don’t do well in school and really ugly. ( I reap eat this IS the truth, I could even send you I pic) I’m not fun to hang around and just plain boring. I do have some friends but none that I’m really close to. I just wanna wake up and live my life but I know my future sucks I will never get into university to study what I want like my sis.( she is doing law!) Â How can I feel better ? Just help , everything is easier when talking to strangers…..Also, I think I’m depressed ….since all this started my memrory has gotten worse and I’m angry all the time ……I can’t stand this anymore…..
2 comments
I believe you, your story. You don’t have to be the best at everything. As long as you try your best that’s good enough.
These days the advice is always that you should learn to love yourself and not feel bad about how you look. But there is an entirely different option. If you don’t like it, change it. Eat better and exercise. The exercise itself will actually improve your mood (there are reports that say exercise is better than antidepressants, look it up) and eating healthy can lead to better moods as well. If you feel like you don’t have the drive or energy to change it through hard work, then you do have to go with option 1, learn to love yourself. Look around at the world, a huge majority of people are in average physical shape or worse. And as far as physical looks, I know it can be hard to not like what you see in the mirror, the sad truth is none of us had any control over that. I don’t like things about how I look either. Mean people will always use that as a reason to judge people, but nice intelligent people grow up to realize that nobody could control what their face or body was going to look like and it’s a silly thing to judge people about.
High school is a crazy time, hold on as best you can and get through it. If you have some friends at all, hang on to them. If you feel like the relationships aren’t super close, you can be the one to work harder on that instead of just wanting people to like you more. I’ve gotten in a position where I have no friends and it is terrible. If you have a few, make the effort to be nice to them and talk to them more. Sometimes we have to be the one to make the first move instead of wanting people to approach us. Surround yourself with however many good people you can, it’s really one of the only good tricks for getting through life.