“maybe tomorrow will change my mind…”
“maybe tomorrow will bring something i can’t predict or foresee, that will be worth the wait, and all the lost time…”
“maybe i don’t have to go yet, and maybe tomorrow won’t be as bad as it always seems to end up being…”
But… probably not.
Maybe i’m tired of deluding myself in the name of survival… since survival itself seems to be a detrimentally fruitless endeavor.
If i have to go through the mental acrobatics of deluding myself intentionally… i need to gain something worthwhile, to justify doing that. But that doesn’t seem to ever happen.
So i keep thinking…
“maybe tomorrow…”
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Maybe tomorrow I will stop thinking. Maybe tomorrow I won’t let my head rule and live from heart. Maybe today I realize tomorrow’s an illusion.
…or maybe not.
sometimes i have to veto my own comments, instead of submitting them.
Yup, I usually wind up deleting most of my posts. Once in a while a thought of mine squeaks by the sentry at the gate and I cringe, beat myself up for blabbing, running my mouth. Who the fuck wants to hear my shit anyway, I say.
I was reading this and I kept thinking it was somehow supposed to be motivating. Once I got to the bottom I found it a bit neutral. There was something I found particularly sparking against these set of “maybe tomorrow lines”. They all ended with something that could happen, that could change your life. Whenever I think about tomorrow, I think of how depressed I’ll be. What more people will do to me.
I always thought, that when you think negative then it erases positive thoughts. But when you think positive, negative thoughts still continue to be that devil on your shoulder. If I think things like “tomorrow a miracle is always possible” then a little while later I realize that 1) people in my life would strip happiness away from me as soon as they see it. Depression is hidable but happiness is not. 2) Happiness isn’t even a miracle, and so why wait on a miracle?
Thinking the “maybe tomorrow” thoughts I feel like is going to drive me to begin lying to myself. Like I might start believing in this Elysium that will never be there, and this usually leads to many patterns of disappointment. So therefore, I tend to avoid the “maybe tomorrow” thoughts.
Maybe tomorrow you’ll stop thinking so much and instead remember all those things you enjoyed as a child.
Maybe tomorrow you’ll start doing instead of thinking, maybe tomorrow you’ll stop losing time.
Why not today?
Why do people think happy memories can heal a bad present . . .? What if some people are limited to doing things . . .? What if today has already spiraled down . . .?
Happy memories can calm down the neurotransmitter storm in your brain.
I can’t see how one could be limited in doing things. Even Steven Hawking – severely disabled most of his life – managed to do things that no other regular, healthy, even happy person could do.
And, it’s kinda early for the day to already have spiraled down. You know what the pessimist said? He said “Wow, can’t get any worse than this”
The optimist replied “Oh, yes it can!”
@struggleon: it definitely wasn’t intended as motivation (but neither was it intended to demotivate). I’m not sure if there’s an established term for it. I don’t even know what to call it. My brain isn’t braining (wtf braining is a word?) very well at this moment.
But if i end up a ghost, this is what my ghost would occasionally utter, in a raspy, deflated, barely audible whisper: “maybe tomorrow…”
You might even think it’s “inside your head,” if you don’t know better.
I find it amusing that the inherent concealment of my distress, actually translated to text, in this case.
If i say “maybe tomorrow…” it almost seems like i have hope…
But really… i know better by now.
It’s more of a defeated, cynical, sarcastic, bitter, begrudging type of thing. I know tomorrow isn’t worth waiting for. And yet…
I keep thinking…
“maybe tomorrow…”
@gillian:
seems like you got that backwards…
I prefer this one:
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist knows it.
@clevername – nah, I’m pretty sure I got it right : )
…then again…
I dislike the insinuation that attitude magically morphs reality into something better.
It really doesn’t. I know, i’ve tried.
When you can’t force the world to be the way you want it to be, can’t coerce or bribe or extort anyone into doing things your way… attitude is irrelevant.
And if you go around pretending and feigning various characteristics, with the intent of causing people to think more beneficially of you… that sort of makes you a bad person.
So far, i have seen no indication that compromising my principles and hating myself for doing so, will ever actually result in gains worth the consequences thereof. I have seen it work for others, but all of them had circumstances conducive to such maneuvers. I don’t.
That is why I found it a bit neutral.
Whenever I think about this “tomorrow” situation, I always think about the most fucked up thing in life “everything can be questioned. not everything can be answered.” Of course the world has to work that way or else humans wouldn’t need motivation to live. I always thought life was just going out to find answers. And that ‘happiness’ ‘joy’ and things along those lines were just motivation to do so. And that love just meant people were on your team.
But when all that is not there then “maybe tomorrow one of those things will find me”. A lonely person, is a person who doesn’t get any of that in their tomorrow. And even in the past it wasn’t there, or it only was for a fleeting moment, or it was all fake and so that’s where the ‘I know better then to have that hope’ comes in.
Hope, to me, was always the most disappointing thing. What difference does it make if I have hope, or no hope? Hoping is just wishing for possible things that seem impossible to come. Hope is like putting faith in something so undecided. The hope becomes so strong because what is there left to hang on to but hope? In the end, when it doesn’t work, things just come crashing down again.
It is resonance. Resonance is when something repeats, but builds upon itself. Like if we had repeated situations of disappointment, each time we’re disapointed we’re not just ‘disapointed again’, but rather the negative part becomes stronger, as it begins stripping away hope.
But: “maybe tomorrow . . . that won’t happen . . .”
rather than resonance, i’d say it’s more like a faint, diminishing sustain… which seems like it should have ended already, but you can still barely hear it when it’s not drowned out by noise. It’s like an inaudible reverb, perhaps. (okay so, “braining” is a word… but “reverb” isn’t? I swear that’s been an accepted musical term for at least 50 years…)
Anyway, it’s definitely not building on itself. If anything, it’s fading.
Clevername,
What’s fading? If the negativity is fading, then that is a good sign for life. How can it all fade. . . and become worse at the same time? If disappointment is fading, are you not on the track of something better? Hope is the thing that fades. Hope is the thing with no resonance. Negative things build up because we don’t want to feel them, but are forced to. Whispers of negativity can drive you over the edge, sure, but only when there isn’t another voice, or a louder voice. If that can whisper to you and have such impact, then why can’t encouragement?
I think those were all rhetorical questions, for the most part. But I was wondering how fading things had such impact.
the “maybe tomorrow…” is fading.
As for today… it just doesn’t feel right.
What happens when “maybe tomorrow” fades all the way? Do you begin to think “maybe in two days . . .”
Hehe, that was definitely rhetorical.
Gillian,
I always liked this quote. They say it is the quote of a pessimist. I see a lot in it.
It must be remembered that there is no real reason to expect anything in particular from mankind; good and evil are local expedients—or their lack—and not in any sense cosmic truths or laws. We call a thing “good” because it promotes certain petty human conditions that we happen to like—whereas it is just as sensible to assume that all humanity is a noxious pest and should be eradicated like rats or gnats for the good of the planet or of the universe. There are no absolute values in the whole blind tragedy of mechanistic nature—nothing is good or bad except as judged from an absurdly limited point of view. The only cosmic reality is mindless, undeviating fate—automatic, unmoral, uncalculating inevitability.
H.P. Lovecraft
maybe tomorrow i will feel like refining my articulation of the ineffable.