Have you ever thought about who you are?
The way you are?
That noone will ever love you because of that? I have. I’ve come to realize that its useless to change things about yourself for others. Whats the point? Arent people supposed to love you despite all your flaws? At least its what I’ve learned from watching television.
I am in my early twenties and never been loved. Trapped in an endless loop of thoughts without an exit. It’s really painfull. I cant look at people sometimes because my mind is telling me what the person is thinking about me, and its never something nice. I am and always will be my own enemy.
I have friends and yet, i still feel alone. I like spending time with them. But most of the time i want to be by myself. I guess what i really want is to be alone without feeling lonely. I want to be able to turn down all the party invitations i get and still receive more. Aint that fucking wierd? The truth is, no invitations will come after a certain point, and i only have myself to blame.
I feel broken and weak. I admire people who stand tall after they fall. Where do they find strength to move on? I guess i’ll never know.
I dont really have a point with this writing. I just felt like taking a dump on a paper. Maybe i want someone like me to feel less alone or the other way around. In the end, i guess i just wanted to share my thoughts with someone.
Have a nice day and
Thank you for reading if you did 🙂
1 comment
I think trying to be alone without actually feeling lonely is the ideal that we all are chasing–to befriend the parts of us that have been separated by our conscious actions, and become whole again through said process. It is normal and okay to feel broken and weak. I also admire those who stand tall, even when things take a turn for the worse. It takes a true warrior to be able to recover from extreme damages.
I think it is very true that once we know our own limitations, we can become stronger, as well as kinder. It is a hard thing, to be able to confront our own inability to be strong, but only when we accept our weaknesses can we become stronger.
Think of it metaphorically. Suppose you have warrior on a battlefield who keeps on getting the crap beaten out of him. But the warrior is determined to not fall, because he continues believing in the (false) superiority his own strength. The warrior will never be able to stand up, unless he first kneels in the face of defeat.