So this sucks…

I’m positive that feeling alone is universal, but that seems to be the force behind my depression. Like being together with people yet being isolated. As if I purposely hold myself back from being alive or living metaphorically of course. To me life is punishment.  ironically I am a hypocritical hypocrite. I say I hate stuff and then I do that stuff and hate myself for hating to do it will hating myself for thing my self. Did any of that make sense? Self loathing comes and goes a lot, but I sit here thinking of obscure ways to end it all….and I stare at my wrist, there is this really deep cut, which is a scar now,  (from 8th grade(I’m in 12th grade now)) and wonder if I should do it again…. I don’t now, I think I’m confused. I used to write short stories before it all, just all of a sudden bam! depression , daily burst of deep depression.