Nobody cares about what I’ve gone through. Â It’s always “It can always get worse” or people just take pity. Â Who wants pity? Â I don’t. Â What does pity do? Â Nothing. Â Having pity for somebody and genuinely caring are completely different things.
26 comments
What can be done? What good will them “caring” do? How is what you’ve gone through, still affecting you? How can you change it? How can someone else?
What can be done? Vague question.
What good will them “caring” do? People caring about each other is usually motivating. When somebody cares about you, you return that and it is pretty much fairy-tale like. One can dream.
How is what you’ve gone through still affecting you? Because memories don’t go away, and I can’t escape most of it. Things still happen too.
How can I change it? I can’t. If I could I would.
How can someone else? They can’t change it. Nobody can change ones situation, everything has to be changed by oneself. Like I said, the nature of humans is that sometimes we motivate each other.
Silly me, posting senseless stuff that can only be questioned.
I’ve learned, StruggleOn, that I’m the driver of my own car. If I need something to get done, I need to do it. Other people who “care” might be willing to listen, let me vent, provide an idea or few… but, ultimately, it’s up to me to change. Relying SOLELY on other people is a mistake… A mix between using others for support and using your inner determination is probably a better combination.
What the hell did I even say. . .? O_o I realize that nobody can save another from themself, that’s not what I meant by somebody caring. I mean somebody “caring” meaning they understand the situation instead of just taking pity on it. Though now I’d prefer never even exchanging a glance between people. Sometimes advice is needed though. Good advice only comes from people who understands. Somebody can only understand if they care. Therefore, “somebody who cares”.
Agreed
“Somebody can only understand if they care…”
Not necessarily. There are plenty of providers out there who understand situations, provide advice, but don’t care. Caseloads are so high nowadays that, in some areas, almost anybody with a degree can be hired. You don’t need to care to understand.
By the way, I would Never rely on somebody else.
Emotion and getting a job are different. (Situations vary, this post was intended to focus on mine. The only one that I know)
Somebody can only understand what is within me if they cared to. Thinking that over, they probably would never be able to understand anyways.
People actually caring takes time and effort – and empathy. Empathy can hurt, so people often try to deflect it using pithy gestures and platitudes, and it makes sense, I suppose. But if you’ve been through it before, that empathy is going to happen whether you like it or not. For those people, they might as well make the most of it. But not everyone is going to respond that way.
I have a hypothesis that therapists, psychologists, and to a lesser degree, psychiatrists, are only capable of helping people who merely “believe” they have problems, but not people who actually do have problems.
A “psych” can manipulate a person’s mind out of a false belief of imagined or self-imposed “problems.” A psych cannot correct problems that do not begin in the person’s mind.
There are lots of people out there who can’t get help, because everyone wants them to believe they don’t really have problems, while the actual problems go unresolved.
Everybody needs to take a moment and reflect on that last paragraph from clevername. That is exactly true.
@struggleon:
hard question time:
WHY would/should someone care?
Should they?
If they can’t see a benefit to caring, then they will likely avoid it, because, as lorax just said: “empathy can hurt;” Especially when you can’t help the person for whom you empathize.
Your only real option would be to go through more better things, from now on.
But i realize that sounds absurd from any afflicted perspective… “just go through better things!” lol… i’d be pissed if someone told me that. Or i’d laugh at how absurd of a suggestion it is, because 1) i already know that, and 2) the problem is that i can’t go through better things, because i cannot access them…
Which then translates to: i need access to better experiences.
How do i access better experiences?
And now we’re back to money, why i have none, why i can’t access ways to acquire a surplus of wealth, and how it’s all a paradox that i can’t break out of, without the right kind of help.
What is the right kind of help? Does it even exist?
How can i do something that requires little effort or little punctuality?
How can i make enough money without destroying myself in the process, and being miserable the entire time?
I have no idea. But i know i can’t get better without a way to make enough money to acquire the resources required to accomplish any of my alternate goals… and it has to be the goals of self-cultivation, which would result in giving any number of appealing females enough reason to “care” about me, and cause them to favor me enough to simply desire to share experiences. If that’s not going to happen, i just don’t want to exist anymore, because i’ve seen how life is without that, and i’m unwilling to continue striving to sustain such an unappealing existence.
Yep, I support that hypothesis, clevername. I suppose there’s something to be said about just having someone to listen, but I have never thought therapy to be a good answer. It makes you feel more distanced from “normal” society. Sitting there, talking about your problems with someone that’s paid to listen. I’ve never liked the idea.
clevername, the reason why the future even scares me, is because of what you just said.
You can’t rely on someone else to make opportunities happen for you but you can certainly find support and encouragement in a person other than yourself.
The fear of loosing someone can change a person’s perspective and attitude.
ProfessingEmotions, you professed that well.
“You can’t rely on someone else to make opportunities happen for you…”
We live in a world full of other people, whose approval and/or permission we must gain, prior to most useful opportunities availing themselves.
In this way, yes, absolutely, we have no choice BUT to rely on others, for opportunities. But the preparations required to successfully exploit any opportunity, are our own responsibility… even though even those preparations are often gated behind approval and permission.
So it’s a paradox. You can’t rely on others… but relying on others is a necessary prerequisite. In this day and age, it’s almost impossible to do everything yourself. That’s why society even exists; this was a problem thousands of years ago. No one person can do everything themselves (except a rare few who are both equipped and availed the right opportunities).
Caring and understanding not necessarily overlap. Understanding requires a certain mindset and empathy aptitude, and to be honest I think that people who possess the ‘understanding’ talant are rare.
But just because someone doesn’t ‘get it’ doesn’t mean they don’t care. Or that their well-intended but misguided understanding is pity. Please think about that some more.
gillian – this is all I think about. I don’t think about anything else. This is what I live, and this is what I have concluded. Somebody who won the lottery might say ‘you are not out of luck, re-think that’. But people come from different places, have different things happen to them, and have different things holding them back.
Somebody can claim they care. Hell, everybody can at one point. But really when they say ‘I care’ without understanding, that is what is called pity.
You are being as harsh to others as you are being harsh to yourself.
If a friend does his/her best to understand, but what you are experiencing is so beyond him or her, that he fails, you call it ‘pity’. Isn’t the effort worth something? Doesn’t the effort itself signify that he or she cares?
Maybe if you learn to accept that other people aren’t and shouldn’t be perfect, maybe then you’d accept that for yourself too. And stop punishing yourself for it.
I am not being hard on anybody. I don’t really connect with people so I don’t even know how I can be. If somebody ever tried to understand, that would be great. I would accept that and that would never, ever be a failure. To even Want to understand is a step in itself. The effort would mean the world. There was one time, just one where I was forced to talk with a ‘professional’. Not a psychiatrist but a detective who was trying to understand my situation. After she kept apologizing and stuff. I don’t need apologies to be honest. She didn’t really understand how it felt to be where I was. I appreciated her effort one hundred percent, but it was all pity. Everything she said she took pity on me. Pity does not mean failure to me though.
I don’t think that an incorrect or feigned “understanding” should necessarily be assumed as “pity,” though i’d guess those could often coincide.
And, like my granny used to say: “sorry ain’t good enough.”
And by extension, a prominent saying in my region: ” ‘close’ only counts in horseshoes and hand-grenades.”
How can I understand you StruggleOn.
Help me understand you.
The Koji,
You are one of those people who knows how to understand things, and very well.
Really, most of the time it can be my fault for not expressing things enough to where I actually Can be understood. No worries.
Try.
StruggleOn ,
people don’t understand well at least most of them, they can’t relate, I’m like you I’m not looking for pity, or anything else, there’s nothing to pity about, and there’s no solution in my case, other than me just dealing with it, I sat here today just looking at the computer for hours, not touching a button, my mind is a blank, feeling like I’m knocking on heavens door, there’s not much I can tell you but your name says it all STRUGGLEON.