Why is depression such a relationship killer? If I want a successful relationship am I just supposed to hide the depression completely? Past experience has shown me that this seems to be the only option. The problem being is that as you start getting comfortable around someone the shiny façade starts to slip and reveals the ugliness underneath.
I’ve tried letting them know ahead of time. That I suffer from depression. For the most part the meds manage it, but there will days where it gets through. “Sureâ€, they say, “everybody gets down once and while, no worries.†But when they actually see it, they learn that it’s not just being down, it’s something much worse. Then once I’m back to “normalâ€, the inevitable “you’re a great guy, but I only see you as a friend.†Or “It’s not you, it’s me†bullshit. I know it’s me, you saw the darkness and decided you want know part of it. I understand that.
So what do I do, do I do my best to hide it completely and never let another person see it? Do I keep trying and failing? Do I just give up? Each rejection takes a little more out of me. Another step closer to the edge. Hope fades away even more. It’s the same goddamn pattern over and over again.
Yay me! I have all these girl friends that I can hang out with (i.e. have sex) and who have no issue coming to me with all their problems for advice, but if I have a problem they are too busy. It’s not what I want, but it seems like that is all I can get.
11 comments
I agree with you. It is EXTREMELY hard dealing with the depression while in a relationship. Like you, I tried hiding it and that was my first mistake. It got bottled up and when it did rear its ugly head, all hell broke loose. Luckily though, the guy I was with didn’t mind and is trying to help me.
That’s really what you need. The RIGHT person who will be able to not just deal with it, but battle your demons alongside you. They’re hard to find, but they’ll come into your life soon. I promise.
Well, if youre in a relationship with a deppressed person you often feel obligated to take care of them. That requires a lot of work and can be overbearing. My ex said to me “how am I supposed to love you, if you cant even love yourself?” I obviously had no retort.
That’s one of the main reasons the end of my last relationship hit me so hard. She also had her demons as well. I thought, wow, we can get through these together and maybe come out not so bad. Guess my demons were a little to much for her 🙂
So, your partner either takes up the obligation, or gets as far from you as they can. I always seem to end up with the ones in the second column. That first column seems like a rare breed.
The ones that care for you will try to help. And if youre anything like me, you will just get frustrated because you know theres nothing they can do for you.
Depressions kill relationships? Id say relationships kill depressions.
Typically a good relationship will kill my depression. I then get really happy, productive, and eventually over confident. Then I do something stupid or simply want too much.
I have learned that I need to become a stable me before I can ask someone to be a part of my life. There ARE plenty of paths though.
Yes a relationship can kill depression. Well not kill, but relieve it, just like meds do. But at least for me, the depression will rear it’s ugly head every now and then. I accept that that is going to happen.
I will probably never be stable enough to have a relationship.
Just want to say i have exactly the same problem. Sometimes i feel i’ll be alone forever 🙁
I’ve been getting to know someone over the last year who I discovered only recently is going through rough times with depression (maybe worse than mine). We’ve gone out and been intimate a few times, but I think sharing our pain and trying to discover the sources of our depression together has actually brought us closer. I don’t know if we’ll ever be a couple but I don’t believe that our demons will ever drive us apart either now that we understand each other better.
because people have elevated fantastical expectations