Sorting out my thoughts I guess, really hard to know what is what  anymore,  am I just thinking this way cuz im angry or depressed or  is this what I really think.  I question every thought  i have anymore, I don’t trust myself  to make many decisions anymore.  Insomnia is kicking  my ass .  2-3 hours sleep a day is really getting to me.  Soon i will crash an sleep hours an hours.  Obessessive thoughts and tourrettes syndrome is starting to get really bad to.

I have nightmares about my boyfriend , in them im trying to escape and hide from him. .. Guess cuz of all the mental pain he causes me over and over.  In one of them he was only changing a light bulb and i saw him an got terrified and ran away into another room an locked the doors to get away from him.  He doenst really do anything in my dreams except talk an it is freaking terrifying seeing him in them.

I am determined to drag myself out of this hell of a place i keep getting in  and  starting tomorrow i will get bck to exercising again,  plus  the high u get from pushing yourself beyond ur limit is nice, an u can do it again an again.  I am past cutting, after years an years of it sooner or later u wake up an realize that it only helps temporarily.  Too bad i didn’t know pushing urself past its limit with jogging or intense exercise .. well the effects last longer than cutting an the highs feel good, too bad i didn’t know abt the benefits of that before my thigh an arm  were ruined from burning with cigarettes  and cuting