I’ve attempted to overdose on many different things.. Last night I tried to overdose on what was left of my 200mg seraquel… When I awoke I couldn’t move my body, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t function… My dad came over to bring me food and had seen what I had done.. I reminded him of my aunty, she committed suicide a few years ago.. He kicked me to the ground.. My boyfriend abused me for the pathetic attempt. Something wants me to be alive, and slowly suffer..Â
I know im a pathetic person, I know I’m mental, I know I’m manipulative, im ugly, I’m insecure, but every time I improve no one notices, no one is happy for me, then when I fail, im a monster. If I’m all these things and everyone agrees, why do they ring the ambulance, why do they tell me in selfish? If they don’t want me here why do they make me stay? I enjoy the dream world so much, I know what happends when we die, we enter the astral realm. That’s where I wanna be,somethings not letting me…
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They may not care for you to stay alive, but who would want to feel guilty for someone else’s death or have to deal with a death at all?