Up until now, I’ve never actually made an account for a community website such like this one- instead I’ve just entered questions to my problems into a search engine, hoping to find a response to someone else’s post that would satisfy my query. This is my first post!
Let me break this down,
I’m a 20 year-old college student at a small state school. I’ve never been officially employed. I did exceptionally well my freshman year in terms of grades, but making my way into my second (this) year, I didn’t expect my girlfriend (of two years) at the time to break up with me, and her being the only social tie I had kept intact, I was isolated. That lead to depression, failing my last semester, and attempting suicide. (I failed pretty badly)
This (spring) semester started with a brighter note, a fresh start, and some distance from the breakup I was so dramatically affected by. In an effort to promote productivity, I deleted my facebook account, my youtube account, I deleted every video game on my hard drive, yet I couldn’t work! I’d head to my school’s library at 5:30A.M. to try and get a head start on my work, then stare at a blinking cursor on a blank screen for a few hours. Every time I tried to start, my insecurities, my feelings of inferiority, of being behind, of never being able to match up to my valedictorian ex (who enrolled this year at arguably the best engineering school in the country), or my successful cousins. That feeling paralyzes me.
Let me ask then,
What is your advice on overcoming this mental block? Every time I begin working on a script for my Mandarin class, I get depressed on how far behind I am, then start looking at helium bag suicide guides.
What are my options? I’m so far behind this semester (about 4 weeks left), that I’m not sure if I can catch up.
How do I make friends? I’m realizing that a large part of why I’m so depressed is probably because I lack friends I can look up to, or appreciate having.
Additional details: I’m not on academic probation yet, I don’t have any drug or alcohol problems…
Again, I’d genuinely appreciate any replies- I truly want to get my life back on track, and to achieve happiness!
10 comments
i wish i could feed you some bullshit answer like exercise, get out more, make friends, get a hobby
i know all too well that doesnt help.
why do you have this mental block?
why do you seem predisposed to look up helium bags?
only you know that
ive been obsessed with suicide for years and i still cant pinpoint exactly whats wrong.
you can only help alleviate these urges in my opinion
Hi Sopie, I appreciate the response.
This mental block is caused primarily by:
1. The vast number of things I have to do (it’s hard to focus on one task when there’s a seemingly endless list of things to do afterwards), makes my efforts feel futile.
2. In comparison to others, it’s hard to gain a sense of worth in my achievements. (Ex. if I did well on my Calculus exam, I’m still not as great as the person who invented the subject.)
3. I feel when I sit down to complete this endless list of tasks, that I’m working towards my goal too slowly, if at all.
I look up other methods of suicide, I just recently took interest in helium hypnoxia because it seems like a very peaceful way to go. No horrifying disfiguration, no real pain, it’s accessible, and if done properly, minimal risk.
I hope that answers your question?
they’re not my questions to be answered sir
Look, if you fail it isn’t the end of the world. Take the class over. In 10 years or even 1-2 yrs. that class will be a figment of you imagination. And how to keep up- do your work instead of looking up suicide shit… get a tutor. As far as making friend goes. Put yourself out there. Say hi to people. Invite them to do stuff. Like any relationship- friendships don’t happen, you have to put effort in them.
You’re too hard on yourself. Sounds to me like you are so hard on yourself that you end up sabotaging your own work and capabilities. Guess my only advice would be to do things trying not to think if you are going to fail or succeed, just do them the best you can to achieve your goals. Like someone suggested seek help if needed. Keep in mind that you shouldn’t compare to others tho. So what if people around you have more success? it’s your life that you need to live, not theirs. And i have to point out, that success doesn’t guarantee happiness.
Mandarin? That sounds as difficult as calc-based physics. I have a history of attending college, showing academic promise, and then failing, without having clear plans about how to achieve success. I live pretty much an indigent 30 years after starting the process. As I loser, I’m not qualified to offer advice.
Success in our country, though, is defined by leaderships who have their own priorities and values. Those who don’t conform are generally penalized, yet when one considers things like the introduction of nuclear weaponry, it becomes clear that the pacesetters and rulemakers occupy no superior moral ground.
I’m not sure that happiness is really what life is about. Many more people appear happy on superficial examination that are free of struggle against internal demons. I am not happy and don’t try to be anymore.
There exist no good methods for suicide. Best in terms of minimizing suffering might be to find an anesthesiologist who would put you under for good, which won’t happen. Even this kind of euthanasia itself can mean extreme terror before the drugs fully take effect. Do-it-yourself attempts with pills and bags usually fail, and may well leave permanent disability and pain in their aftermath.
I suppose there really are no good ways to die in the first place. Anti-smoking ads where I live carry a torque on an old movie title–“Death can wait”–in connection with tobacco cessation, a thing I’ve finally managed to do. I try to think about this whenever thinking about killing myself.
I suspect you are considering suicide because you put a long piece here. I won’t try to say you shouldn’t do it, or say all the platitudes about solutions to temporary problems, when life is an unsolved problem and always will be. I would suggest you think about it long and hard beforehand, and make absolutely sure. Those who think it cowardly should go jump off that roof. Suicide takes a great deal of courage. But such a serious act must therefore deserve proper justification to motivate it. Most of the crap in this life can’t provide the necessary reason.
I haven’t thought about getting a tutor for the sake of staying focused on the desired task… that might be very helpful in fixing one of my core problems, thank you!
@M You’re right, it is my life, and I determine how happy I am, not the standard definition of success. Saying that really helps me feel untied, thank you. ^_^
Here, I recently got this simple strategy on staying focused:
Simply the objective, by simply writing down 3 main goals you have for the day (a goal being an assignment, a paper, an application), and get them done by the end. By the end of the month, you’ve completed 90 goals!
I think that it’s a realistic and productive goal, that really helps break down my problems in the long term.
Thank you for your help, and separating me from my societal-expectation-ties.
@Hatshepsut
What I’ve gathered from the responses so far is:
1. Society isn’t always right.
2. Happiness should be found within oneself, not by comparing oneself to peers.
3. In the long term, people achieve things by doing well for themselves, not as a means to an end. I need to look at how this work benefits me.
As for suicide, I believe life is only justifiable if the joys outweigh the negatives. If I realize I’m going to be spending most of my life stressing out, feeling inferior, and being anxious, then I fail to see the point to it. The value of life in my opinion purely comes down to whether the positivity can outweigh the negativity.
Thank you for your response, it was very helpful.