tired

Why are you wanting to push her away if your entire post was about how you regret doing that so far? You suggest to others not to make the mistake of shutting everyone out, and then go on to comment that you just need to get rid of one more person.

Prior to seeing your extra comment I was going to agree with most of your post. I’m 26 and I fear I’ve done the same thing to myself. Started to isolate myself maybe without being aware of what I was really doing. People just seemed to cause frustration or pain or rejection. I thought I was protecting myself this way but now I am dying of the loneliness. My heart hurts every day from the instant my eyes open and I remember I have no friends. I have more of a social life in my dreams. Isolating myself must have been some defense mechanism but it backfired, kind of like sealing yourself in a brick room with no door because you think it keeps the rest of the world away from you, but it is also a prison that will kill you.

But seeing you say that about cutting out the only person you have left…. Coming from someone with the perspective of having ZERO people, even the possibility of having ONE sounds like a wonderful abundance. I don’t know why you’d want to cut out that final person rather than embracing it and realizing you regret cutting out other people before. Don’t be so certain that you are ready to die and move forward with cutting out this last person, you may only find yourself continuing to live only now with zero people around. Going from one to zero does not sound like the direction you know you need to go in.