I’m new to SP and I have no idea where to start. I’ve done so many stupid things in the past. I read posts and I relate to almost all of them. I feel as if I understand you and I know you. I am always depressed, I have no idea what goes on my life anymore. I can’t find joy in the things I once loved to do. All I do is think about how useless I am, how depressed I am all the time, how my parents tell me crap all the time, I have no friends at all, seriously, and my boyfriend doesn’t understand me at all when I feel like this, instead… I don’t know what he does, I’m just jealous of everyone who can do things better than me. I can never do things without fucking them up. I cry myself to sleep. I am so insecure with my body even though people tell me I’m beautiful. I hate it when they say that because they don’t know me, they don’t know what I’ve been through or put myself through. They don’t know my scars. They don’t know the real person inside this flesh and bones. I’ve saved 2 lives before, but it seems as if I can’t save my own anymore. I feel as if I don’t exist. If I die people will mourn every now and then, they will move on with their lives and I will only be a distant memory to them. We are born to die. I was born to die.
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Hello and welcome to SP. I know its of very unfortunate events that has led you to this site and I hope your stay is temporary in a sense that you find the support and strength to overcome and move on from here, but none the less, “Hey”?
Just as you can relate to the people here, many of us to can relate to you. We all have made mistakes, been disregarded by family and loved ones, shelled out and abandoned, have insecurities ranging from self image and to where we just “fit in” among society and our communities. Many here are lone wolfs who feel they are misunderstood by the world too.
I must say though, I think saving two lives is no where near “fucking” everything up. If not, you were the change and driving force for another to live. Maybe its time someone listened to you and gave you the chance like you did for others to find peace and understanding.
I never thought someone would actually reply or leave a comment. I actually don’t know what to say. I’ve heard people’s problems, situations, but they’ve never asked me how I really felt or what was going on with me.
I always seemed to say the right thing to them, but never quite new what to do with myself. I hate the fact that I can help others, do things for other people, give my all, but I can’t help myself.
I’ve put myself through thinking about and attempting to commit suicide, I just have no idea what stops me. I honestly don’t, I don’t know if It’s because I’m scared, if it’s because I have an absence of religion, or I’m trying to give myself another chance.
Maybe that what you needed. Someone to just reciprocate the kindness and caring you gave others. But when you were helping others and the advice you gave, what influenced you to say such things. Meaning why did you say the things you did but couldn’t live by your very advice?
I think a reason we contemplate suicide is mostly becuase we do not wsnt to die, we just want the pain and loneliness to cease. Our pain and suffering as outweighed our ability to cope. When that happenes we are backed into a corner with no escape.
Why has your absence of religion provoked fear regarding suicide?