I’m from the beautiful city of seattle washington. I may only be 21, but I cannot be alive in this world because life itself is killing me. I know true happiness and self worth are two things I will never be able to attain (not that many people do). I know my underlining depression will always be with me, my past haunts me and my future is daunting. I hate waking up to see another day. I don’t believe in an afterlife, I think my energy will simply be released back into this vast universe. I just want to not feel anymore. But I’m scared to do this alone. Â And no I’m not trying to get attention, I’m dead (punny) serious.
This is the note I’m thinking of leaving my parents who will be the only ones this decision will directly effect, and the only ones who will have to live through the pain until the end of their time.
There will never be enough words or the right words to explain why I chose to leave.Â
Just know that the decision was mine to make and was not because of what you or anyone else did. This decision was not made in haste at the heat of the moment, or due to any sort of substance. I have finally realized how this world works and how people work. The gravity of this harsh reality is something I am not strong enough to take on.
I want to be free from this body and from this world .
I want to stop feeling all of these emotions and to stop thinking all of these thoughts.
I want peace.
I want fly into the universe .
I know this was the easy way out
and for that I’m sorry. Â
I love you.
5 comments
And feeling scared is maybe the core of everything, a fear of being alone and of feeling whilst alone… I wish to feel, as I wished so much not to I got what I wished for and can now not go back
Madworld, I’m a neighbor. I totally empathize with what you’ve expressed. When I was your age I felt as you say you feel now. But I took everyone else’s advice & stuck it out. Worst decision of my life. It’s true I don’t know what your future holds, and I hope things get much better for you. But I can’t help thinking back on the constant downward slope of my own life despite everything I’ve tried, and how much pain I’d have saved myself leaving just after my mom died. Just like, I’ve stayed my hands each time because I’m also afraid to die alone. Not that I’m afraid to die, but to do it alone. But eventually even dying alone, at least for me, becomes a far better option than continuing.
If you ever want to talk more, drop me a line via email. Peace.
I emailed you
I agree with much of what you said. I really don’t want to be part of this pathetic life anymore and I just want to die and be free from it. Life on this planet at this time is overrated.
I agree, I have no more fight left.. This isn’t living it’s existing in misery.. I just need someone there to help me succeed and follow thru with not waking up