I’m bound to this earth with the feeling of regret from past events. My family doesn’t make the fact that i hate every part of my being any better. Sometimes i wonder, Why didn’t my mom leave my drunk dad? I mean she could have left him and spared my childhood memories from this twirling downward spiral of pain. I just wish i could have had a better time growing up. I only had One life, One childhood, One family….i could have had a chance at being happy if my mom left him……Happiness? What the fuck is the feeling of “True happiness”, someone please explain, do you know that feeling? because i sure as hell don’t.  My dad has put me down for everything i did no matter how hard i tried to be “Perfect”…..I crave for his approval, i want to be happy…..I want Us to be happy…..But he ruined my dreams by calling me out on my insecurity’s  for my whole life……Ugly….Fat….Worthless…*****….Whore….Slut…Kill Yourself…..  He punches me sometimes too…..I’ve had enough…..My dad has tried to stop drinking for about one hour He promised me that he’s never take a drink again, I had complete faith and trust in him, but then one hour after the promise …..He picked up another bottle and drank his problems away and my trust along with it….Now here we are three years later and he comes to apologize…..Really dad?….An apology? Now? after 3 years! Don’t you think it’s a bit late for that now?! I had no childhood because of him….He was the monster in my closet all these years…..I remember not even a month ago he got so drunk and mad that he almost killed my mom with an ax….And she STILL WON’T FUCKING LEAVE HIM!  This fucking *****! She could have left him, She could have cared enough to spare my mind from the fear of him killing me in my sleep….I swear to god (doubt there is one) I will fucking leave one day….One day i’ll be free from this hell on earth….Is it my fault that he drinks his worries away to get away from me? Is it my fault that my mom never left him?……Will he finally get so mad that he finally kills one of us?……..Well i’m, not sticking around to find out….
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I know your life is very hard, but I’m sure you can still find happiness. There a lot of good suicide prevention hotlines and chat rooms, and you can find one for your country easily using google. Also therapy, psychiatry, and medication can help a lot. If you want me to report your dad for child abuse and domestic violence. You can just tell me where you live and your dad’s name and I can report him. You can send me that information by email. My email address is sherryb1234567@gmail.com
I’d love to talk to someone on the hotline….REALLY badly….but if i tell them that i’m suicidal they are going to call the police and take me back to the hospital….I REALLY don’t need that….I have a BAD! fear of hospitals so much that i pass out….That’s why i haven’t told anyone.
Also, thank you very much for caring, i really needed that at the moment (i was gonna give in to my addictions) But i don’t believe that filing a report will be necessary, I’d cause too many problems. (I’ve already been down that road)….Anyways thanks.
Do you still live with them? If so, why hurt yourself when you can hurt him? Call the police. Call them when he’s good and drunk, which seems like most of the time. Maybe he’ll do something stupid, and the police can ‘take care of him.’ Don’t let him win. Lie. Say he attacked you, even if he didn’t. Throw him under the bus — do anything to survive this and move on. Only then, if you really can’t live with the memories, think about hurting yourself.
My dad went through this with the assholes who raised him, and in the end he survived and did well…..people like your dad need to be locked up.