Well, been with this girl for the past 4 years. The most amazing girl, did everything she can to me, gave me all the love that she could. Everything was perfect.. A few months ago though, I got bored, and ended up cheating, and told her. The girl I cheated with had gotten pregnant.. Of course, my gf left me. Told me if she knew it wasn’t mine then maybe we could work through it. Well that was 2 weeks ago, I get a call this morning saying the baby didn’t make it. So I called her and she said “well that was last week, I’m moving on, I’m sorry..”. I don’t blame her one bit, I blame myself. But that’s how the story goes right? Don’t know what you got until it’s gone.. And I know I fucked up, I know it’s all my fault and I shouldn’t have done it. I KNOW I deserve every ounce of pain I’m feeling… But it’s just to much.. She was everything, it’s not easy to erase the past 4 years (high school years) of your life just like that. The only thought I think about now is her having someone else make her happy, and do everything we did.. Sometimes I’m ok, then sometimes I’m not. Then I’m ok, then everything’s falling apart. The back and forth emotions I just can’t handle.. I know I deserve it.. But it’s to much.. I’d give anything in the world to have her, but she’s completely done, and I don’t blame her. I don’t think what I did should go without punishment, I am A FIRM believer in karma, and it’s caught up to me. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, my stomach is in knots 24/7… And the darker thoughts. It’s scary that I’m completely FINE with just leaving and letting everything go. Like it makes me feel better, I won’t have to go through this pain anymore. I did move about 30 minutes away before all this happened (which wasn’t a problem), but idk ANYONE out here, on my days off I sit in my room and just sleep. I come home from work, get stoned, then take my sleeping pill to go to sleep so I don’t think. Wake up, and repeat. All my “friends” won’t text me back.. No one will talk to me. I’m really not a bad guy, but I made a mistake.. One I can’t live with,, and I’m completely okay with just letting it all go.. I was told today by some random phone number that I’ll never find anyone for the rest of my life because of what I did.. And I agree…
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
7 comments
What you did was pathetic, but the best way to atone for it is to make sure you don’t make the same mistake again in the future. Find a way to forgive yourself and make new memories, so that the one ones can rest.
@itshopeless: You messed up you can’t change it, the damage has already been done. All you can do is learn from it be a better person because of it. She is hurting maybe as much as you or even worse so you should want her to find happiness even if it isn’t with you. I was cheated on to what extreme I will never know nor do I really care to at this point. It is a very heart breaking and devastating experience. Yes I still hurt I believed in giving people chances and it was probably one of the worst things that I could have done. Because I wasn’t done coping and seeing his face and constantly being reminded that there was no trust it destroyed us. So the fact that its over may be a good thing for both of you. But there is no sense in beating yourself up over it anymore accept that you fucked up and be a better person, I know it’s easier said than done but start trying to.
I’d say ask for forgiveness (as in you are sorry for the damage you did to her, NOT trying to get back with her) even if she doesn’t give you any. And then start the process of trying to forgive yourself and move on. If she doesn’t want anything to do with you now there’s not much you can do about it… and if you got bored at the 4th year mark and cheated on her, you might do it again if you get bored again.
Don’t take that as an attack, but as an honest comment from a guy who has gotten bored in relationships but prefers to stick through bad periods instead of looking somewhere else. We all make mistakes, so… yeah, just try not to hurt her anymore.
Your story just reminded me of all the stupid mistakes I made in relationships. I too get ‘bored’ of girls. Whenever I’d get a very hot girl, I’d lose interest. I was more excited about the chase…but then I look back and think to myself how insane I was to be bored by someone so incredible. Just one of the many reasons I’m suicidal also-I was such a fuck-up.
As for this girl-you only miss what you had with her but be honest with yourself, you did get bored with her which is why you cheated. Nothing wrong with that-just like my story. What you’re really upset over is knowing the benefits you derived from that relationship and losing them.
It is true you don’t know what you have till it’s gone and the grass will always look greener on the other side. But the key is to move on and don’t do it to the next girl. The fact is we’re all human and ultimately can be pretty boring in our every day life. Always remember why you hooked up with a certain girl in the first place-even if one day you do get bored of her.
forgot to add, she won’t be the last….yes some girls are like 4 leaf clovers, you might never find someone as amazing, but you can find a different girl who is amazing in her own way. That’s one valuable lesson I learned when I used to get hung up on my last ‘true love.’
If she was really the most amazing person in the world and you loved her so much, you never would have cheated. The human mind is childish. It’s not so much “you don’t know what you’ve got, until it’s gone” as it is “losing something makes you think it had more value than it really did, just because you’re upset you can’t have it now”. Nobody ever cheats on someone who they truly love. You’d be disgusted by the thought of it just as much as she would if that were the case. The thought of wanting to be intimate with someone else would never enter your mind if you were deeply in love. Cheating is not a “mistake”. Tripping over a crack in the sidewalk is a mistake. You don’t suddenly end up in bed with someone else. Now that your ex wants to move on, your ego wants to get all childish about it and make you feel like you messed everything up. Honestly it wouldn’t have happened in the first place if you really cared about her that much. Something must have been missing for you to even get to the point of betraying the relationship. So don’t do this 180 now where you torture yourself by thinking she was the greatest thing in the world. Obviously you wanted something else. She’ll heal and move on, so will you. There will be others.
you’re amazing ThousandCuts, can’t say that enough, love love love your responses. you’re completely right