My Suicide Note…..

To whoever is reading this, i wanted to let you know that I won’t be coming back. Don’t bother searching for me because i’ll already be gone…all i ever wanted was to be happy, free, and loved by everyone….I kept telling myself “just give it a day, It’ll get better…” But now 3 years later….It’s even worse….I’ve tried therapy, i’ve tried medications, i’ve tried going to the hospital….But none of these treatments can make me feel “Alive” again…I feel like a Freak….A Mental person who needs to be locked up before i hurt someone….They think i’m going to hurt someone….But in reality….I’m scared that THEY are going to hurt me, instead of ME hurting them…My parents tell me that they are going to send me places where they are going to pin my down and make me get help….Trust me…That’s already happened….I was fucking 11 years old when my parents locked me up in the hospital….I was there for 4 months…I cried and plead for them to let me go….but it was no use….I was alone crying myself to sleep as my thoughts consumed me….My parents say if i keep “Acting out” then they are going to send me back to the hospital…..I rather kill myself then, be put through that torture again…I just wanna be happy….I don’t wanna re live old nightmares….If i can’t be happy i would rather die…I just need someone who won’t walk out of my life for once….I’ve been bullied for as long as i can remember….The names they called me at home and at school, Slut, Whore, Fat, Ugly, Makeup Monster, *****, Worthless, Waste of space, ******, ****, Twat, “Kill Yourself”, Heartless, Emo, Mental, “Your going to hell”, “You’d be better off in a urn”, and other names…they hurt….But what REALLY hurt is that i believed them….All i ever wanted was for someone to care, and be my first “True Friend”….But i never found one….I love everyone…But they all hate me….All because i’m different….I hate myself so much…..I’m so Ugly and fat….My heart hurts badly….I just wanna be noticed and loved for who i am and not be judged for it….My Dad is an alcholallic piece of shit who doesn’t care for me or anyone else….My mom is never there and is a Hippocrate…My brother always says he’s there for me but never is….My Little sister hates me and tells me to kill myself…..My backstabbing girlfriend cheated on me with my ex boyfriend…..Everyone doesn’t care about me….. Well anyways….If your reading this….At least you cared enough to waste your time on my final words…I thank you for that…It may not be anything special…but i just wanted to say…I loved you…but you didn’t love me back….Please remember me when i’m gone…Goodnight and goodbye forever… <3 ~Andi