Sick of it all

Don’t wanna live cause I’m dead inside. Don’t wanna live cause I have a harsh life. Nothing but pain filled with panick attacks, nothing but falling into old traps. I am sick and tired of your little game. The game where you decide to show me pain. The place where I feel alone and I don’t even exist. The place where you…forget about it, never mind, don’t care for me, you got  too many other things on your mind. But your game is over cause I escaped, I suffered 18 years from this terrible pain, but now starts a new age cause I escaped and your still in my head, but you can’t get to me like you did. You said it was my fault and I felt so terribly guilty. I apologised and tried to make you happy, but you were never happy, you just wanted more and more and told me I was terrible…I believed you, I believed you up until now. But now I am no longer your pathetic child. I have grown into a 19 you thought t-his day would never come, you thought youd murder me before, but I survived and it’s your fault, that I carry all this pain, so don’t play your games no more, cause your day is over and now is when I am born, I am no longer stuck in your death hole and there is nothing you can do, you act like you’re all holy and I’m the monster, you act like I should be the one taking care of you when you were the adult and I was the child, tell me how the fuck was I supposed to carry you my father?! With my mum screaming at me and her boyfriend raping me when I was just very very small…and then you expect me to protect you and take care of you…I feel like I can’t breathe…now I have managed to find myself a flat, far away from you, from all of you people who hurt me so deeply, well it’s too bad you can’t reach me, but the memories are still in my head and terrorise me every day…all I can do is pray, that things will get better one day.