A year ago I wanted to kill myself and I told myself I had to give it a year to see if that feeling remained. The time is up and it’s still what I want, I have a plan in place to make sure my cat is taken care of and that police/paramedics are who find the body. It’s a really good plan. But it is so frustrating to not be able to find any kind of solid information or resources on how to do get it done correctly. The things I found via Google seem so out of reach because they involve things I can’t get access to. I wish I could just put up an ad to hire someone to help me or that there were businesses that specialized in helping or doing it for you that were out in the open. I wish it wasn’t so taboo to want to be in charge of your own death and that it was acceptable to be allowed to make the choice not to be alive anymore. Life isn’t for everyone and it feels so unfair and frustrating to have to work this hard to end it.
A friend of a friend recently killed herself and she posted a note and a video online beforehand. She said it was going to be easy and quick and I wish she would have said how she did it; and she was tremendously lucky that she told someone and they were supportive and didn”t try to stop her. It’s always seemed so selfish to me that we try to stop people from doing it, that we lock them up to try and make them get “better”. If someone wants to end their life, why shouldn’t they be allowed to do it, especially if they don’t have kids? Unless you somehow have the magical power to give that person a better life, it isn’t your position to stand in their way. My mother and boyfriend both killed themselves and if they were in that much pain, I’m glad they did and I am so jealous that they were able to pull it off. I wouldn’t wish decades more of this pointless pain on anyone, least of all people I loved.
6 comments
I agree with you. If I weren’t so depressed and suicidal right now, I would say more, but I can barely type.
Before i say anything i just want you to know that im not hating its just my opinion. But life is the greatest gift no matter how hard you may think your life is. There are people who are dying naturally who i know would love your life , and thats why i get soo pissed off when people think that its right to end there life because they cant handle it. If you cant handle the things life throws at you then you need to get your mind right. I find suicide heartbreaking and the more people think about it the worse they get. So instead of thinking that the only way to make life better is to end it , think of solutions to make it better. I really hope i changed your prospective.
Agreed, wholeheartedly. There are hordes of self-help gurus who advise people to “take control of their lives,” which I believe naturally extends to the end of that life. It almost strikes me as tyrannical that people with an honest desire to end their existence (not merely to skip out on their responsibilities) are made to “get better.” If you don’t have kids, huge financial burdens, or other obligations, it is your choice what to do with your life.
It is not selfish to tell someone not to commit suicide. I used to think the same thing as you, as did Abraham Lincoln. You might think it is selfish to want to help someone because that person only wants to help you because it will make that person happy. But the truth is the fact that helping someone is what makes that person happy means that it is not selfish. Because only an unselfish person can be happy because of helping someone. That being said. You said to “give yourself a year” You should try seeing a different psychiatrist. My dad commited suicide (he was barely saved). He went through several different theraputic approaches and medications until he found one that with enough time and effort and the right concoction of pills put him in a place where he doesn’t feel suicidal.
I’m 33 and made my first attempt when I was 9. I’ve been in and out of therapy and on every drug you can imagine since then. All of this time it’s felt so stupid; why am I bothering when being alive isn’t what I want? This isn’t about mental illness. I think some people just don’t have a purpose or a reason or just aren’t into being here. It’s not like being alive is something that we picked for ourselves.
I set the year deadline because this time last year was when I came up with a solid plan (aside from an effective method) and felt that all the years of pills and therapy and *still* wanting to die had been enough. I thought I’d give it one last year to see if the desire went away and it hasn’t.
When you’ve wanted to stop being alive since you were 9, it is maddening that there is no system in place to help you choose not to be. I’m taking up resources, time, space that could go to others and I simply just don’t want to be here. There should be ways to help people like me leave so that we don’t have to go through multiple attempts trying to get it right.
Read the book Final Exit: The Practicalities of Self-Deliverance and Assisted Suicide for the Dying by Derek Humphry. I’ve heard The Peaceful Pill Handbook is good as well but I haven’t read it. Also, there is a lot of information out there on fatal drug overdoses if you are careful, read medical studies and do extensive research on case studies and survival percentage rates. Certain mixtures of drugs can induce death with almost certainty taken in high enough doses. And it’s fairly easy to order non-controlled prescription medication online if you’re careful and always look up reviews about where you’re ordering from.