Look I’m in my 20s now. And let me tell you during my high school years I fell into a depression and started entertaining suicidal thoughts. I became so introverted and just really didn’t like my peers and school I attended.
Didn’t go to prom. On my graduation day my mentality was ” good riddance”, so whats my point? -Although I must add I did well in my academics. Well, all I have to say is any of you people out there struggling with suicide, don’t do it. I know this sounds generic but don’t give up. TRUST ME, I had nothing to live for, I had a very low low social solidarity, never communicated through Facebook, twiter, etc. No use of social media sites whatsoever. Also no phone.
I was very lonely. When the school bell rang I just walked as fast as I could to the comfort of my home, hiding behind the pretext of online games which would be a substitute for my socialization. In the summers it was WORSE….Never got a summer job, was always spending my days in the confines of my house, alone. I always wanted to go out somewhere, but never had enough money for transportation(bus). Always wanted to go meet friends, but never had any communication with them and I was too introverted to go to their houses to ask them if they wanted to hang out. I’m telling you my life was Terrible, I had really bad acne to top that off, no matter what product I used it always got worse.
Masturbating worsened my self-esteem and always amplified suicidal thoughts. So where am I going with all this???? I must add music was CRITICAL in my life, songs that inspire and build up. I can go on and on listing songs that really helped me through my journey.
But to cut a long story short. Guess what? Life gets better! If you keep trying and keep grinding, do not lose hope. My mentality was ” success is my only F@$#@$@# option, suicide is not”. Slowly but surely life started to get better, I am a living testimony that you can change your life around. I don’t know how to describe how lonely and sorrowful my life was. In comparison to it now, you wouldn’t believe I’m the same person.
At the end of high-school I was awarded scholarship on graduation day. Attended college (fully paid by scholarship) made NEW friends. Rekindled old friendships, Financially speaking I started to prosper exponentially. Went to parties had “fun” with girls. You Just wouldnt beleive how my life diametrically altered. Even at times I look back and I’m like I can’t believe that was my life back than.
Where you start does not matter, in fact its irrelevant. Its where you end off at the end of the journey of life which counts.
I am honestly writing this for you people who are struggling with suicide so you can look at my story as a testimony so you can be thinking “if his life changed for the better so can mine”. I was just like you, exactly like you, lonely, depressed and distraught.
But remember WE ARE THE CREATORS OF OUR FATE, THE NAVIGATORS OF OUR SOULS.
I just cannot describe to you how much my life has changed, like I’m living like a king. Life is blessed. Trust me there are struggles in life but you need to find that inner spark within you and just get it out there and never give up.
Yes, I was depressed, lonely, etc But I never gave up, I’m praying someone reads this and can draw inspiration from it. Thank you for your time.
Vocation
2 comments
Good for you mate. I am happy to hear life has gotten better for you and I hope you have ridden your depression for good. But not to rain on the parade but sadly, the “life will get better” concept doesn’t apply to every one. Yes we are all creators of our destiny and we all have the ability to make choices in life that decide our fate. But there still are some factors we all cannot manipulate nor control that will create an outcome in our best interest.
We are all different with different experiences and different perspectives. We all cope and deal with things differently from one another.
Vocation, there’s nothing wrong with what you said, and if it helps someone, great.
However, one of the biggest lies we modern people tell ourselves, especially in the West (and even more especially in the US), is that we decide our fate.
To anyone knowledgeable about history or psychology, this is obviously bullshit. Life is much closer to a card game — a really great player can make the best out of nearly any hand he’s dealt, and a lousy player can fuck up a great hand, but in the end it’s the hand that sets the parameters. And most of us can’t play all that well, and almost none of us can play year after year after year, especially when we loose more often than not.
I know people who know nothing about me will call me a loser anyway just because I said this; that’s OK. I know better.