My father committed suicide when I was 5 years old leaving me, my 9 year old sister and mum devastated. I believe that he thought we would be better off without him and he was doing us a favour. I’m 17 years old now and I still break down and cry for the father I never had. Suicide is selfish, if a person has children on this Earth it is their responsibility to protect, guide and support them. Not having a father has affected me in countless way. My father wasn’t there to teach me how to ride a bike, to pick me up when I fall, to teach me what qualities to look for in a man, he wasn’t there for my first day of school and he wasn’t there for my graduation. My sister just got married and had a baby; he wasn’t there to walk her down the aisle and now he wont be there to watch his grandchildren grow. Suicide wont just affect you, it affects everyone who knew you and everyone that never got the chance to meet you. You have family and friends that love you and things will always get better. I believe that every single life has a purpose and you would not have to face these challenges if you didn’t have the ability to overcome them. I understand that the plague of Depression is very difficult to get out of, I have been through it myself. There are resources and people out there that are willing to help and you are never alone. No one wants to find their son hanging from the roof as my grandad had to, no one wants to be a single mother of 2 children when that wasn’t the deal like my mum did, no one wants to only have their father’s picture on display on their wedding day like my sister had to. If you think your family is better off without you they aren’t. I hope this post may make people realise that your actions also change other people’s lives forever as it has for me and my family. Take the help that is offered to you, stop wallowing in self pity and live! The world is a beautiful and amazing place, if you cut your life short you will never know what tomorrow might have been.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
7 comments
“You have family and friends that love you and things will always get better. I believe that every single life has a purpose and you would not have to face these challenges if you didn’t have the ability to overcome them.”
Except for the people who have none of these. Or irreversible diseases.
There is a lot in your post that i couldn’t agree more with. The problem is, the person who has chosen suicide has already reviewed most of your points in painful detailed minutia. “Help” is not as readily available or freely offered as you seem to think … sure, it might be more accessible if one has a good health insurance policy, but more often than not, one does not have such coverage.
Finances and insurance coverage (the lack of) are often times a part of the decision to end one’s life. The hardest part for survivors to comprehend is that suicide is a choice … but really, what is the real and practical difference from a family who lost a member to suicide or one which lost someone to cancer or accident or war? Other than the method and the story associated with the loss, there is no difference … dead is dead … gone is gone. And to the survivors, in every situation they must pick up the pieces and move forward.
Often time a suicidal person will be pretty overt with their signals and they are met with disbelief and/or useless platitudes that usually include “think of others BEFORE yourself” … I really do feel for your loss, but your listed concerns are about more YOU and what you lost or missed than the person who took his.her life? So who is the selfish one? Not that you are wrong to think and feel as you do – those thoughts and feelings are certainly honest, fair and warranted. But we’re all besieged with trials and difficult roadblocks. What defines us is how we rise to the challenges set before us.
No one should be living with eyes squarely fixed on the rear view mirror – we should all be focused on the path ahead of us with the knowledge of the lessons learned from the past.
“The world is a beautiful and amazing place, if you cut your life short you will never know what tomorrow might have been.”
This is a great thing to say … the problem is, suicidal people think they know EXACTLY what “tomorrow” will bring, and they cannot bear it another day … only when we can SHOW them that it can REALLY be different and beautiful as seen through THEIR eyes will we be able to help them see a different tomorrow … until then, we need to understand that they do NOT see tomorrow as we might even though we’re looking at the EXACT same thing.
I know this will sound harsh, but try to see your father’s point of view – in his eyes, he may have viewed his actions as selflessly protecting you from a lifetime of his depression, negativity and pessimism and felt this was the only way to allow you to be free from that life.
You have my condolences for your loss
obverse dawg
you’re incredible, dawg, amen
I agree with you 100% Dawg.
Dawg – I wish I had been raised by someone like you. Christ you are brill.
People who do not understand suicide will say to knock off the self-pity. In saying this, it comes across as shaming or guilting the suicidal into compliance with alignment of your belief system. A belief system you are entitled to. Your reality is not that of others despite majority conduct.
I recognize the pain in your post as I can only imagine how much you missed. I have lost someone close to me through suicide. I do not blame her. I miss the hell out of her, but I understand. That is very hard to come to terms with because I want her here. How can I feel such an understanding? Because I have been fighting the urge to die for yrs now. The fight can leave a person battle weary. No shame or guilt from others telling me how to live will help.
Let me share a little about why. My adult children have estranged me from their life. Nothing in my life meant more to me than my kids. I love them with all my being. After divorce, my ex trashed me and lured them with money. I ran out of money trying to keep them in the style they became accustomed and paid the bills while losing my shirt. When my resources dried up, the kids love dried up and they hopped on over to their father’s as soon as the well ran dry and we had an argument due to their not following house rules. He allowed them to run knowing this would crush me. It did.
As a parent, to be told you are not any good or worth being in your own kid’s lives, it hits hard. I was worthy of being a parent until the ink was dry on the divorce papers. I lost my shit. Understandable. If you are a parent, you will understand the horror of that bond being taken away by your ex.
Then fingers get pointed at the ousted parent – and you are villianized – because of a normal reaction to an abnormal event. Crazy making and gaslighting are terms used in these scenarios.
As Dawg indicated, the insurance and public assistance esp in this economy are not what you have heard. The last place I would call is a suicide hotline after the rotten treatment I had when I did call. It was surreal and taught me not to reach out.
For some of us, a fate worse than death is being shoved into a psych ward and forced to eat big ****** meds we will not be able to afford after discharge, yet addicted to physically. Shitty thing is – you don’t get high off antidepressants when used properly. Yet one cannot cold turkey coming off this junk. They will endure discontinuation syndrome. Let me tell you that will cause suicide for many – just the withdrawals. And there is no money to cover the slow ass descent to taper off this poison. It was poison for ME. Not everyone. But there are too many accounts of this being the case.
I am sorry for your loss. I appreciate the candor and thoughts you shared. But you lost me with stating suicidal people should not have a pity party. Whoever told you a pity party is what we were doing instead of trying to hold on when we wanted to die is a liar. No one WANTS to feel like shit – not this kind of shit. t least I DO NOT. So forgive me if everyone else is fine and is pissed when I cut the lifeline I find so hard if not impossible to overcome. At least I give a shit about myself. You call it pity – I call it giving a shit about how badly I am living and can’t seem to catch a break no matter what. No one else fought for me except for me.
Sometimes it seems like pity – or you can see it is mercy from a very weary soul who has done their best.
I m sorry you lost your father to this. I truly am. My heart goes out to him and the pain he had to be in leading up to his decision to leave.
I give dawg a thumbs up as well.
You see your father as someone who failed to overcome his challenges and condemn him for it. It’s worth noting that as a result you now have your own challenges to deal with. It’s not fair that this hardship was placed on you, but that is how life works.
People have to face their own challenges, whether they want to or not. If they give up, that is their choice. The consequences of their actions are for others to bear. That is just how it is. Even the living inflict indirect harm on each other, often without knowing it.
Your father is gone, and he can no longer take responsibility for your life. It is up to you to look forward. Your life is your responsibility. You did not make the choice to be born, but it is still your responsibility all the same. Did I mention life’s not fair?
Your life has taken a different path than what is considered “traditional”. There is nothing wrong with that. You are just living life a different way. There is no reason to be unhappy. You just feel like something is missing, but if you stopped looking at it like something is missing, and instead accepted that it is the complete picture, you would realize there is nothing to be unhappy about. It’s never that easy though. I know.
Hopefully you can forgive your father and move on. It is time for you to live YOUR life. Don’t get caught up in this place either. You won’t be able to change anyone’s mind. They have to make their own choices. Just like like you have to make yours. Just like your father made his.