Angry

I am in such a shit mood right now, and I don’t fucking know why. 

I was all happy and laughing an hour ago, and then I had a shower and hate a complete breakdown in there for 10 minutes. I then kept seeing this girl in there with me and I got really freaked out over it and started having a panic attack because I thought they’d stopped appearing in the bathroom. So I was in there for an extra 25 minutes having a full out panic attack, and then I came out the shower and started blow drying my hair in the kitchen when my mum came out moaning because my stepdad went upstairs because he couldn’t hear the TV apparently. So I turned the blow dryer off and took it upstairs where I cried for a further 30 minutes.

Ten minutes later I came downstairs and my mum and stepdad were joking around and watching their TV programme until I came down, and they started laughing at me and were being childish bitches by ignoring me.

I just completely fucking hate every fucking person right now and it really doesn’t help considering the thoughts and planning I’ve done over hurting and killing people lately and fuck I’m just done with everyone. 

And my mum didn’t even notice almost an entire fucking pot of my sleeping pills were empty. She said I must have run out from using them over the last few months.

Ahem , no. Does she not realise I downed them all last night? But she went upstairs to be with my stepdad and didn’t give a fucking thought of  staying up with me even when she knew I was upset that night and she know I do things like this when I’m really upset. 

And I really don’t know what to do about my thoughts and planning of what I want to do to people. I want to tell my psychiatrist next week, but I’m afraid of what she’ll think. I’m going to make another post for this in the next few days though to explain exactly what happens with these thoughts so I can ask for some advice of how to bring it up.

But for now I’ll just leave it as this:

I am fucking done with every fucking person on this fucking fucked world.