Beaten Down

I’ve been depressed for years. Abused at an early age by a neaighbor.. That was the start. I got into trouble hung out with the assholes for no reason other them they were in pain too. I have a beautifal family who i love so much. It kills me to be the way i am. I went to prison i hurt people in fights and i paid dearly for it. I found out one day that i wasn’t like the sociopaths i was surrounded by and i had a massive nervous breakdown. I was. Sent to a psych ward and then i spent 18 months in solitary confinement. It was hell on eart. I thought about killing myself every day. I got out and met a girl . We’ve Been together for 4 years she is special but latley she doesn’t know how to deal with what I’m going through.  I miss her. I went to college and got a trade as an electrician. I’ve had good and bad experiances wit it. Its so hard for me to admit to anyone anything about my past. My new boss treated me like shit i hate him . I went into a dark depression and have hade flashbacks. I’ve been thinking about suicide again and again. And if i were to do it id use a generator in a garage. Quite death. I just hope i can over come this shit and move on with my life… Again!