Dissapointment to all and to one

I’ve realized I’m no good my family hates me my grandpa doesn’t like me my uncle always fucks with me and makes me feel worse as for why this impacts me so deeply is I have no father all mine is happens to be a pill popper and can barley sustain himself for two minutes without going into a fit of rage. My grandpa has always thought lower of me and never did like me at times it really shows for example, he always goes on about how I’m soo dumb or how I never change when I try when he sits on his fucking ass doing NOTHING to try to change and mostly it’s because I don’t bother with it anymore I’ve lost the will to keep trying with them it’s a lost cause and I would want to get emancipated so I wouldn’t have to annoy or ruin anything else for my family funny how my current girlfriends parents treat me wayyyy better and that’s where I spend a lot of my time so they know how I am and who I am and accept it while my biological family dissaproves of who I am and the very nature of what I look like. And as for how my grandpa calls me retarded or a dumb ass and how “I really don’t know shit” it only effects and cuts me this deep is because he’s practically my father but he’s never seen it this way and I am not smart at all I’m just pretty much stupid and he’s right that’s why it hurts so much because he’s 100% right I wonder if I was dead if he would actually care because all he seems to do is criticize everything i do for him, I shaped my life after his I do everything to try to make him proud and nothing ever works….guess I don’t deserve to know what it’s like to have something normal or have a normal life I only wish I could be the person my family wants me to be because I just want to make them proud. That’s all I want, is it really too much to ask? Maybe once to feel like I’m a person to them, one time just once…to feel the way a normal person would but hell, I guess I deserve every bit of it.