hello everyone

Hello, my name is Carter. I’ve just joined SP but I have been visiting it almost daily just reading for about 4 months now…Well I will be 19 in august I have been suicidal for roughly 2 years now, I wrote the following note may 13, 2014. At this point in time I haven’t chosen a date or how I’m going to do it. I am posting the note now because it best describes my emotions.

Life takes to much effort , but death is to much work. Without doing anything life is my choice but it makes for a sad existence, at least with death being my choice I spent my last moments doing something, and the last few years contemplating. I don’t belong in this world, especially not at this point in time.

I never had any true intention of doing anything I had said I would, but dreaming of belonging or being able to live in this world was nice, for a while I believed that something would come of my life, that I could make the difference everyone wanted but wouldn’t strive for, I could make reality the place I wanted, sounds selfish right? Well if you go for it and try to obtain what you want life to be, I believe you have the right to be selfish, just expect it to be ripped away from you and have no hard feelings when it is, that’s how this world works. You can’t plan out another persons life, serial killers are an example of people who live life how they want and it follows the above, they kill and then eventually get caught and have their life taken.(literally or metaphorically)

I have no drive left, quote from NOFX, I’m all outa angst. I can’t obtain the life I want and I refuse to live in the one that currently exists, so I make the choice to leave as life is to much effort, death is to much work, and living life isn’t always realistic.

I love everyone so very much nothing can express my feelings, but now it’s time for me to go, I’m just…tired.

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