I am at the point I have already done everything I wanted to. That is within my reach anyway. Hope? For what? I have no family and don’t want one, working is hardly a reason to stick around. That’s all I do.
I love the sand and sea, but not enough to stay and I hardly doubt they will miss me.
Even at the end of a dream vacation thoughts of suicide start coming back out of their hiding place.
I have tried shamelessly to connect and create a life for myself and it just isn’t enough. The only thing I am proud of is how hard I fought and for how long. It has been 30 years since my first attempt. Even still I tried and tried to stay in the game and remain productive. Some people may have even believed the front I put out there. It’s not like I am going to wake up cured or be able I undue all the nonsense my brain has acquired along the way. Enough, no more rant, peace to you all.
3 comments
Awe, you sound like a real trooper. I wish there was a beach around here, but in Quebec we have nothing even close. I bet that there is someone out there for you to share your life with, or to befriend. You sound smart and capable, understanding and sensitive. All great qualities. Try to give yourself some credit, I can just from your short post.
You are too kind. All the kind things you have said to me I would extend right back to you. Funny how we can despise ourselves and give up hope yet see so much in others. One beautiful thing about this site is we can be honest and even at our lowest points most seem to find kind words and encouragement for our fellow strugglers. Take care.
Isn’t that called empathy? …is that right? I’m too lazy to look it up..