Lethe

Hello again. It’s been a long time, three or four years I think, since I was last here. I’m grateful for the rest at least.

I’ve fallen back into old thoughts, old habits. It’s scary how easy it is. Maybe ‘comfortable’ is the wrong word but it’s so … I don’t know it’s like shrugging on that threadbare jacket at the back of the closet the one you never wear in public but the one that makes you feel right. And the pressure is held back for a time because I know how to work within these boundaries, these battle lines are familiar. It’s me against the world again and they don’t even fucking know it. Sure this will ruin me but it’s muscle memory. I’m an automaton again and the ties are a bit loose. I’m just a little more disconnected this time, a little more transparent. I could disappear I think, if I wanted to. I don’t have the same anchors I had last time, but there’s still one left. That’s something.

So I’m just going to let it out here, once again and hope it helps.

Thank you for listening.