I was reading about 70s teen heartthrob Andy Gibb and how he died right after his 30th birthday. The official cause of death was something about an inflammation of the heart after years of cocaine abuse. He had struggled with severe depression, but the family denied that it was a suicide, and the fact that he checked himself into a hospital (where he died 3 days later) seems to show it wasn’t suicide.
It made me wonder if I started now, how long would it take for me to wreck my own body? And is this the “long form” of suicide that so many people have taken, from celebrities down to worthless nobodys? It seems like it works. Are any of you taking that road (or do you know anyone who is), and what’s it like?
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At the moment I’m on fluoxetine and considering overdosing myself on it.
I don’t want to equip you, but overdosing on a prescription drug isn’t so simple. All the effective ones are monitored pretty closely.
Just a suggestion: i am prescribed a large number of medications for a lot of different conditions. One of the medications im prescribed is fluoxetine. I recently downloaded an app that allows you to input every medication you are prescribed and checks them against each other for interactions. It also checks for possible interactions between medications and conditions that could be harmful. After puting in 16 of my medications so far, ALL of them except for one, have a major or moderate interaction with another one. One of the most common possible interactions is seratonin syndrome – which could be fatal. Please do some research before you throw in the towel. It maybe worth it. If not, at least you learned something. ????
Just a suggestion: i am prescribed a large number of medications for a lot of different conditions. One of the medications im prescribed is fluoxetine. I recently downloaded an app that allows you to input every medication you are prescribed and checks them against each other for interactions. It also checks for possible interactions between medications and conditions that could be harmful. After puting in 16 of my medications so far, ALL of them except for one, have a major or moderate interaction with another one. One of the most common possible interactions is seratonin syndrome – which could be fatal. Many pharmacies completely ignore warnings that a computer gives of repeatedly and their don’t verify if the warning pertains that patient or not. I ignorantly relied on them for this info. Please do some research before you throw in the towel. It maybe worth it. If not, at least you learned something. ????
I am currently closely associated with the dark world of drug abuse and one thing i can say for sure is that i haven’t met one person who either uses illegal drugs or abuses legal ones that is looking to prolong their life or uses because they are just so darn happy with the way things are in the world that they are looking to enhance that amazing outlook they have of things. Most people who use drugs are attempting to either hide from, disguise, numb, or kill something they they feel or experience that is negative.
I agree. Drugs (legal & illegal) are designed to make your life better. So anyone who regularly takes drugs obviously isn’t content with their life the way it is. There’s no shame in that. I used to live in a bad part of the city and regularly see people staggering around the streets blitzed off their asses on drugs, alcohol or whatnot. I could tell they had no other way of dealing with the reality of life.
Well now I’m in their shoes. I simply cannot bear the torture. After 30 years of trying every natural coping mechanism known to humans, from therapy to exercise to yoga to meditation to art & music, I can conclude that none of it works for me. So the choice is simple: either kill myself or seek out the darker, unnatural methods of coping. The beauty is that they seem to come hand in hand.
lol, no.
I’ve liked cannabis for 20 years because it made me think that maybe life was actually worth living.
First time i can remember wanting to kill myself was somewhere around 9-10 years old. I was 13 when i tried weed for the first time, and was like “omfg this is great! And it’s not making me do terrible things like they claimed!” Didn’t smoke it again until 14, didn’t do it regularly until 15-16…
I’ve never intended it to “hide” or “disguise” or “numb” or “kill” anything. I use it to reduce pain, enhance mood/outlook, and MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I ACTUALLY DO WANT TO LIVE.
I was only trying to save my own life. But the pigs and religious nuts want to ruin people’s lives, and that’s why it’s illegal.
I’ve never “regularly” used anything else, and i don’t “abuse” cannabis. I’ve always used it responsibly and appropriately, minus a few experimental excesses, and harder days and deeper pains require more medicating. It works better for everything but headaches, than any over the counter pill. But when i get those horrible headaches associated with my nerve damage, i need aleve, because it’s the only thing that even works, that i can even access. But aleve doesn’t work well enough for all the other stuff, and it merely “numbs” the nerve pain, without being a mood enhancer or improving life in any way, aside from being the only thing that numbs what feels like a knife stabbing me in the base of the skull, which i’ve had to live with for ~16 years now, and will never be corrected otherwise.
So, high. You just met someone who isn’t a self destructive “druggie,” who merely wants to have his rights respected, and to be allowed to self medicate in an appropriate and responsible way, and is fully capable of doing so, without causing any problems for anyone else.
Sure, i’ve experimented with other things like LSD and shrooms a few times, i even did coke once, once, and have knowingly smoked laced joints, which also never caused me any problems.
You guys need to stop demonizing drug use; not all use is “abuse.” Humans have been using drugs for GOOD reasons, throughout human history. Cannabis is KNOWN to have been used for its psychoactive properties, for at least FIVE THOUSAND YEARS. It has only been illegal recently, for a tiny fraction of that amount of time, and only because some privileged humans want to control all the other humans.
Also: Fuck Pharmaceuticals (minus aleve). That shit is poison. If you need a chemist to obtain it, you don’t need it, and it should only be used rarely and sparingly.
Cannabis is an odd bird among the other drugs (LSD, Coke, pharmaceuticals), so much that I don’t even consider it a drug any more than tobacco. Tobacco itself is debatable, but I’ve seen enough “normal” people smoking cigarettes without it altering their lives that I can dismiss tobacco as a non-drug. Same goes for pot.
So, even though I personally wouldn’t use cannabis, I think it should be as legal as cigarettes or alcohol or other things which responsible people can use.
As for the harder stuff, drugs which are made in a laboratory, I have the same observation as serenityseeker: I’ve never met a coke/meth/LSD/ecstasy user who enjoys being alive & sober. They may exist, but I’ve never met one.
“If you need a chemist to obtain it, you don’t need it”
I agree. Unless the prognosis is “life” and the cure is “death”.
Try telling that to someone with ADHD who has a better quality of life thanks to the pharmaceuticals they take for it.
Try telling anything to anyone, if it’s not what they want to think. ^^
Truth is often irrelevant.
That’s subjective, granted that chemicals are chemicals, regardless of how they’re made. It’s a false dichotomy to divide them by natural and unnatural, since by virtue of existing and being active at the synaptic level, they are all natural.
Of course it’s subjective; we can’t really prove that anything isn’t! We can only reasonably assume that an objective must exist, in order for anything to be subjectively experienced.
And, interestingly enough, i just so happened to be discussing “organic vs. synthetic” w/ my mom, maybe an hour ago… and i was making the point that those words are rather deceptive, because it’s quite possible to “synthesize” exactly what nature’s methods produce, without making anything unhealthy where it otherwise wouldn’t be.
I suppose the real point is that you can’t trust the synthesizer to keep your safety in mind, if they’re primarily motivated by profit. If i can grow it, i don’t need you to make it. If you outlaw what i can grow, your only reason is because you want to eliminate the competition to your product, and “force” people to have to buy it. Plus, we don’t really fully understand the whole soil food web, and we can prove that distrust of Big ****** is completely reasonably justifiable, even if it’s not always necessarily true that “all synthetic medicine is harmful.” But i have yet to see any synthetic “medicine” that does not cause, or have the potential to cause, serious side effects.
By this same logic, whether or not cannabis is “dangerous” is indeed subjective… but also depends on what exactly is meant by “dangerous.” The real danger is posed to the profits of the establishment, who fears an all natural and easily producible competitor to its products.
Plus! The medi-pharmaco industrial complex… is motivated to sell perpetual treatment, not cures! If they cure all their patients, they’ll stop making money! So it’s in their best interest to not cure anything, and to even establish a “need” of their “medicines,” so that they can perpetuate the industry, and secure their own means of not just survival, but affluence. They sell poison as medicine to keep people sick, so they can get and stay rich. That is the truth. But they also realize they can’t just blatantly poison everyone, or we’ll revolt… so they have this huge propaganda machine working to help people remain too ignorant to distrust or even really question the process… but even that has been jeopardized, because they still mess up and end up ruining people’s lives in such a way that lots of people figure it out and demand justice, which is where all those class action lawsuits over bad medicine arise.
I personally doubt the validity of “ADD” and “ADHD” diagnoses, and posit that it’s entirely possible that those are just normal human characteristics that only manifest in some people, which are deemed “abnormal,” aka “medicalized,” by people looking to sell another pharmaceutical to people who don’t really need it, because their “abnormality” isn’t really abnormal, and could be managed by “natural” means, such as diet, environment, and cognitive/dialectical development/training.
I tend to view “attention deficit” as the lack of inclination to be compelled to focus on something the person does not find genuinely interesting. At least, that’s how my experience of “ADD” works. If i’m not interested, why should i pay attention? If i’m genuinely interested in something, and not prohibitively disrupted by my surroundings, i have no problem “paying attention.” The deficit is not a lack of attentive capacity, but a lack of interest. You can’t make this horse drink the water it doesn’t want. If i’m thirsty, i’ll either ask for water, or find it myself.
There’s plenty of variability. Unfortunately for me, I may fall into the 5-10% for whom canibis is not harmless. I agree that other prescription and over the counter medications don’t work or solve more problems than they create.
I can’t say anything real about drug abuse cuz I’m just not a drug counselor with all the charts and statistics and shit.. But I can relate with what you are saying.
Physically, in the past I’ve just wanted my life to end. My body, with all it’s missing parts and broken bones, doesn’t give me much reason to want to be alive knowing that eventually I will want to seriously die. The pain will be unbearably hard one day.
So I haven’t treated myself very well in the past, or today. I don’t do heavy drugs but I def don’t eat enough, I don’t drink enough water, I smoke heavy and drink booze with out eating. Etc etc.. I ended up in the emergency room one time from drinking. I didn’t even drink too much that day. It was weird and it sucked more than anything i ever felt. No I can’t say anything bout abuse in this sense, just carelessness and plain not giving a shit.
But I can say that I’ve turned my world around with cannabis. Knowing that life is a crock of shit is a heavy burden to carry around for 30 years, so these days I’m doing what makes me happy.
So I grow my own cannabis now. At the least I know that this is worth living for if I have nothing else in life. It’s what I’ve been preoccupying myself with for the past year. It’s why I haven’t been here on this site. I’ve been on another site, relating and sharing with others who have the same passion for growing. It’s a real addiction I don’t mind having. And it’s the one addiction that isn’t killing me… It’s saving my life all over again!
Good luck!
RealTalk, that’s an awesome story. Like I said in my reply to clevername, I don’t really consider cannabis to be a drug, even though our government tells us it is. But your story opened my eyes further.
Person “A” is suffering so he retreats into a cabin and writes poetry to make himself feel better. Society has no problem with that.
Person “B” is suffering so he retreats into his yard, grows cannabis & uses it to make himself feel better. Society has a problem!
But they’re both the same to me. They way you described it, it gives you a purpose, a passion, and it even allows you to connect with other like-minded individuals. Maybe in another life I could’ve taken the route you chose, but I’m really too far gone and I don’t want to recover.
Dude, RT, email me.
And @ Stain: one of the problems is when we use the word “drug,” people think it’s automatically bad. Our own brains naturally produce “drugs.” We can buy “drugs” over the counter at a grocery store. People need to understand language better. Everyone needs to read some Jung! He had a bunch of this stuff figured out almost a century ago!
Jung… that’s something I never tried even though people have suggested reading it many times.
Yes, “drug” has become a bad word, rightly in some cases, but in other cases not. Damn that Nancy Reagan.
I should mention that I do (ab)use one drug: sleeping pills. I do it knowingly and deliberately because it feels good to do something that’s bad for my body, and at the same time I get the bonus of wiping out a few extra hours every day. Oddly enough I don’t drink because I don’t want to mess up my liver. How’s that for a conflicted fuckup.
I knew a guy, a friend of friends, who became a friend of mine, over a decade ago, who used to often suggest that i should read some Jung. I was always skeptical, thought “yeah just some psychobabble, whatever…”
Turns out he was right. I wish i had listened back then, because i would have saved myself a lot of grief. I didn’t even care to discover any of Jung’s wisdom until within the last year or two.
I also don’t drink anymore. Haven’t had a single drop in… well, i don’t even remember exactly. I think it might have been Xmas 2012 when i had a single mixed drink of something my sister was gifted, which she wanted to share as a special occasion thing. Prior to that, i hadn’t had a single drop since the previous spring, and before that, hadn’t had any in many months. The last time i got really drunk, i was alone and depressed and drinking jack daniels straight. I realized it honestly made me feel far worse, and something changed in me, and i completely lost any desire to drink. I’ve only had a few occasional and very mild cravings since then. As it turns out, drinking makes me feel like shit, and i don’t enjoy feeling like shit, so i avoid doing things that make me feel worse… because i’m not trying to destroy myself. If i want to destroy myself, it’s only because the rest of the world sucks too much, and i would want to do it as quickly and painlessly as possible. Until then, i want only to heal and develop myself, because that’s the foundation of a worthwhile life. A worthwhile life is the only life worth living. But sometimes i’m just too debilitated by my circumstances, and so my inaction could be construed as “self-destructive,” though it’s really merely a symptom of the real problem: a worthwhile life seems not merely unavailable, but made unavailable by malicious psychos who want to ruin everyone who doesn’t conform to their expectations and demands. In order to have a worthwhile life, one i actually want to see through, i need to get away from those people… and i can’t do that if i’m debilitated and refused gainful employment… and the only reasons i’m refused gainful employment, is because the people in positions to grant my means of survival, DON’T WANT ME TO SURVIVE, because i’m unwilling to comply with unreasonable demands. I’d rather die than submit, but death was never my first choice; it’s a last resort, only to be used when all acceptable options are removed from my selections… which is never something i choose to do to myself.
clevername, what you say resonates with me. I don’t hate myself; I hate the world–or I should say I hate the negative elements of human nature that control the world as we know it.
With that in mind, I have a love/hate relationship with my health. I try to stay healthy to remind myself that I’m not the problem. But I want to die so badly, to be free of this prison, that I have the urge to destroy myself violently… to destroy my body which is the cause of my life.
But until that moment I want to remain healthy & lucid. At least on the outside. That’s why the idea of doing damage to my heart is enticing. Unlike a liver or a lung, the damage goes mostly unnoticed and you look & feel ok until one day wham it stops and after a violent stuggle for a minute or two, you’re dead. That’s how I want to go.
I envy your desire to heal yourself. I envy so many people (in a good way) who have made the decision to turn their lives around in the right direction. It just doesn’t work for me because I don’t believe in living. It’s a philosophy that took root 20 years ago and has been burrowing deeper every day.
It’s funny, the image of you drinking Jack Daniels alone, getting totally depressedly hammered seems kind of glamorous to me. Damn that Humphrey Bogart. But there’s a sort of “martyred hero” appeal to that kind of existence in my eyes. I’m fully aware that it’s just a twisted sort of romanticism, but hey I’ll take romanticism any way it comes in this wretched world.
I feel like I could turn my life around if I wanted to, but I truly don’t want to. Death is just too enticing. So I’ll keep experimenting here & there.
Ok, so I went off on a bit of a ramble there, but here’s a question I wanted to ask you as well as RealTalk or anyone else who would know. When you use cannabis and it makes you feel like you want to live, how long does the feeling last? Does it go away as soon as the high wears off, or does it sometimes last for days after?
It fluctuates a bit, but if you get “clean” and properly grown high grade seedless bud, a few puffs can last 2-4 hours (i’ve heard the super special stuff can sometimes last up to 6 hours, but i’m not making that claim yet).
My ideal usage pattern is a couple hits in the morning with coffee (effect mostly maximized by about 15 minutes later, but felt almost immediately), do whatever i gotta do, and if i feel really stressed by midday, another hit or two, then go back to doing whatever i was doing (obviously, some things you should do sober-ish).
Sativas tend to be more “cerebral,” thought provoking, energizing, inspiring (day smoke), while indicas are known for being better for pain and producing the infamous “couch lock” effect, and are typically better suited to evening/night usage. Both will cause munchies, and devouring a pile of food usually disrupts or dissipates the effect, so if you want your effect to last the full duration, make sure you eat first. If you’re using it for appetite enhancement, might as well smoke before and after.
And, you don’t have to smoke it. You can get a vaporizer, which eliminates almost if not all the particulate matter resulting from combustion. You can also eat it, but the effect can take up to 90 minutes to become noticeable, and can also be overpowering. I enjoy the practice of smoking, because i love the smells and flavors of good stuff (and they are many and varied), but most importantly: the dose is very easy to control and rapidly effective as an inhalant. A few hits will usually last for a few hours, with the most intensity being between a few minutes to an hour after administration, with a gradual tapering off until you eventually don’t really feel anything anymore.
The “i feel like life is worth living” feeling usually stays with me until about 2-3 days after i run out and have none. Because the benefits are so enjoyable, as with anything else enjoyable, it sucks to suddenly not have it anymore… but as long as you continually manage your environment, in addition to the medical applications, you SHOULDN’T be overwhelmed by cravings… but it can and does happen, just like with anything else enjoyable. Those intense cravings dissipate quickly, compared to anything similarly enjoyable, imo. Many people mistake this for “addiction,” but the body never becomes physiologically dependent upon it; you just feel like you really want to keep doing it, or at least have the option just in case, because it’s enjoyable.
And then there’s the fact that almost everyone will develop a bit of a tolerance to the effect, but you never become “immune,” so you don’t need “more and more and more” like with other things. I have never required more than 3 breaths to experience a full effect, and i’ve had periods where i used daily for uninterrupted consecutive months.
A brand new cannabis user will most likely be overwhelmed by a single inhale of the really good stuff, so you want to go easy until you understand the effect. But once you acclimate to it, you’ll know you don’t need more than 3 at a time, and even i, after having gone almost 2 years with zero cannabis, took a single hit of what i would call “high mid grade,” and was high for hours. But i still have my old tolerance too, so after i got used to it again, i can take that 3 hits and be very high, but not overwhelmed, and i might be more inclined to smoke again in like an hour or two if i’m really stressed (which i frequently am, due to various other circumstances). Honestly though, just having it available makes life a little better. I currently do not have it available. lol. If i did… i probably wouldn’t be on SP. 😉
Up high in the sky is your brave new world,
And so powerless are thy miracles…
That’s why I only buy generics.
Cannabis does a lot of things for me that it doesn’t do for a lot of people.
I don’t smoke with anyone that often, but when I do they always tell me that they can’t smoke a whole lot, just a little. For me, I medicate every day, multiple times a day and I haven’t taken a break in years.
Ime..those who use cannabis only ever so often don’t benefit from its healing properties. Those who maintain a steady amount of it in their blood streams tend to take in and sustain more benefits and at the same time, are able to function at a higher level than those who just partake every so often.
Having said that.. It allows me to function so that I have the ability to look past pain, anger and sadness. I can still feel all the pain and emotions, but it helps to change my perceptions from moment to moment, inspires new ideals and helps me focus on the little things in life. It’s the little things in life that make life worth living. Before I used cannabis I was focused only on the big ugly picture that life paints over and over. Now I can stop to smell the roses. When you first start using cannabis, it can be scary but after the first 3-4 years of steady consumption, it becomes a real medication worth sticking to. For me anyways.
The other half of the potential is in its flavors and effects. So many flavors that you never want to leave the tongue and effects on the mind that create all kinds of joy and emotions, hitting every pleasure nerve in the body. Really makes life worth sticking around for! That’s basically why I’m still alive and will continue to do so.
Growing is a whole other story though. There are no words to describe my love for this miracle plant. If no one else shares my life with me, I’ll have to admit..ill be just fine with my passion for it and sharing with all my grow friends till the day I die.
It truly brings people together and brings out the best in us all
@RT:
Exactly. (not sure i agree on the 3-4 years of scary at the start…)
I don’t just want to use it, i want to preserve, protect and proliferate it. I want to be surrounded by beautiful plants and overwhelming aromas, constantly. I want to be physically adjacent to a flowering plant at all times. I want an assortment of various strains, each with their own unique smell, each born from genetics harvested from all the various relevant locations around the globe. Mary Jane is the only female i need in my life. 😉
Well, what I mean by scary is that..even though some people fall right into it relatively easily with very little struggle.. Most people I know have at one point or another, struggled with the change cannabis’s effect can create in ones life. I myself, have battled with the indecision to quite and the question of what it might be doing to me and my life. I’ve seen it separate me from those closest who not only can’t agree with it, but also those who only skim the surface and never dive too deep into the culture. I am deep within the culture and there just isn’t room for most people who can’t understand it inside and out, people who only see it as a drug and people who can’t live there lives stable enough to be responsible with it.
The introduction of cannabinoids into the already available cannabinoid cells in our brains is a process that takes place over the course of years, IMO , just my opinion.
Most times a person can become very fanatical and obsessed with the drug in the first few years, constantly experimenting and trying to get “higher” and higher in different idiotic ways. But then eventually the flow of radical thought stabilizes down enough to gain focus and actually help the individual along in their goals and everyday life.
It’s been recommended that steady users take one week off using cannabis for every 3 months of usage.
I can see the validity of those concerns… but i think they are more symptomatic of problems caused by society, rather than the actual cannabis itself.
In fact, it could even be argued that had it not been so deliberately stigmatized, we might not have had the opportunity to learn many of the important lessons taught by all the suffering caused by the outrageous prohibition laws.
And i’ve certainly seen that fanaticism as well. Why do i need a “spider joint?” lol. Why do i need a 4 foot bong? I don’t. And i don’t need concentrates either. I don’t need “wax” or “shatter” or any of that. I mean, it’s cool that people can make stuff out of it… and i suppose “budder” is interesting… but i’m perfectly content with enjoying it unmolested and in moderation.
And so, for me, the whole stigma is a maturity issue that needs to be addressed within each individual, which is why i maintain the position that “kids” shouldn’t be using it… but that doesn’t mean i think anyone needs to be going to jail over it, or even fined, and we certainly don’t need militarized raid squads intruding people’s homes and shooting them and their pets over some plants.
Even if some immature people behave recklessly while using it, that would still cause far less harm than the real crimes that have been perpetrated by any member of law enforcement who has participated in this travesty.
Even if the amount of harm were exactly the same, it would still be an improvement to allow that harm to be caused by people’s own choices, rather than to have it imposed upon them without their consent, especially when that includes also the mature and responsible users, who do not cause problems for anyone else, by using something they enjoy, which benefits themselves. The prohibition law does more harm than the lack of that law, especially to those who behave responsibly. They’re punishing everyone, instead of only those who misbehave and cause problems. The law needs to be abolished first, then rebuilt in a reasonable way.
I just want to clarify.. I don’t support drug use. I don’t condone underage usage of any drug. I don’t believe people who have drug dependencies benefit from drugs.
I get up at 3am, 4am every morning and support myself enough to make my life work for me. Yes, financially no matter how I look at it I would be better off with out cannabis but because it has effected my life and my family so deeply, it is indeed 100% worth every penny spent.
Thank you
My neighbor tried slow suicide by alcohol poisoning after his divorce. He drank bottles and bottles of the hard stuff for years, but still managed to survive. He never cooked for himself either, just ate canned goods. This shows just how resilient the body is and how it can endure with very little nutrition. He finally sold or gave away most of his belongings and went to live on his boat. Not sure what happened to him after that. I would want a quick death and one that looked accidental, preferably in the wilderness.
When the heart gets weak enough, any number of substances can do it in. Whitney Houston’s death was more likely related to her history of stimulants than the Xanax and alcohol.