So I haven’t slept anything tonight either. It seems it has become somewhat an habit of mine, not sleeping that is. My brain’s a gooey mess, and I find myself at the edge of sanity yet again.
I don’t know what’s worse, living in this blurry world of mine in a zombie like state, wasting time, almost not existing… Feeling this emptyness… It’s funny… No Mather how shit everything feels, if you take away one of the human essentials it actually gets worse. I just miss seeing things clearly, ya know? Sleeplessness is fogging up my fucked up mind and I feel so powerless.
but as I said; I honestly don’t know what’s worse, sleeping or not sleeping. Cuz every time…. Every fucking time…. I fall asleep, I have these horrendous dreams. I can’t recall what they are about… All I know is I wake up with pure terror in mind. Â Not allot of things frighten me, but I find myself waking up shaking, cold sweating, hyper ventilating with a heart racing in my chest. And the fear sticks with me, for the rest of the day. But I still don’t know of what I am afraid.
And I’ve always been able to remember my dreams. Until it got this bad, which sadly, is months ago now. Â I feel so broken by now. It wears you out pretty quickly I guess.The only place to wich I could escape… The only place I could feel free… It’s gone.
And I’ve reached out for help, but well nobody takes it to seriously.
But it’s quite alright, actually. Â I mean Ive made it this far. 7 more months, and I won’t have to take it anymore. Any of it.
Just ashame to spend the time I have left like this…
I’m actually not sure why I’m writing all of this down, I’m just rambling. Sorry about that.
well.. Bye. Xx
9 comments
Hey…I read your post and I just wanted to say you’re not alone. I was up last night crying and cutting myself and wondering why the hell am I still here? I don’t know exactly how you feel because I am not you, but I know the craziness of staying up all night, the emptiness of existing, and the endless pain that just won’t go away. I have had terrible nightmares too and I know how trippy they can be. I don’t know if this is helpful or not; I guess what I’m trying to say is you’re not alone, and I think your pain is real and that you are hurting a lot. If you want to talk via email or something that would be cool. If not that’s cool too 🙂 I hope you managed to get a little sleep at least and that today is better than last night.
Yes for sure, it could be nice to talk to someone! My email is dannycielway@hotmail.com
Or my kik is aderallslits if you prefer that. I don’t know how you like message on this site lol
Hey I just wanted to say don’t worry about rambling, it’s what this place is for if you ask me! I’ve been there with the sleep issues, you’re right about it making everything much worse. I was in constant physical pain as well as unable to focus on anything at all, not even mediocre tv cause I’d been so long without sleep. And I’ve had the awful nightmares and jolting awake every morning in sheer panic without knowing why. It’s amazing how much sleep matters. I know drugs aren’t for everyone, but have you tried seeing a doctor about getting some sleeping pills? I was on some for a few weeks and it really made a huge difference just being able to get some decent sleep – like you said, to ‘see things clearly’. Just a thought.
Yes I just began taking these pills and have had a few nights of decent sleep. The nightmares doesn’t get better tho. But I feel like I can somewhat make out my own thoughts in my mess of a head in the day, which is a small relief atleast.
Lucky You! got just 7 months…
I don’t know when’s mine, I don’t think it’d be around for a while for I have to suffer a lot yet!
Insomnia, and the non existing voices from the past in the darkness! They never leave me in peace…
I wish my time comes tonight, like a dream! from which I would never wake up..
But alas!.. no dreams but just a pathetic life of a loser.. Who is neither useful nor harmful to society!!!
Pathetic than a pebble under the rock which is alteast used by some ants to rub their head or a$$..
I wanna end this mundane life filled with just grief of loss and helplessness!!!
well.. See ya on the other side!!
That my friend, I do doubt. But you’re welcome To my suit in hell if there is one 🙂
I get how you feel. I don’t which is worse either – sleeping too much or not at all. Both sucks. My cognitive functioning is significantly impaired, too. So tired of everything. Feeling this way is terribly exhausting.
What’s the deal with the 7 months?
Yes I know, feeling like a zombie most of the time- and not in a cool way.
I have had that date set up for a while now, it’s my birthday. And well if i still feel like shit by then i Can kill myself after it. Cuz then i have atleast Tried. 🙂
Yes I know, feeling like a zombie most of the time- and not in a cool way.
I have had that date set up for a while now, it’s my birthday. And well if i still feel like shit by then i Can kill myself after it. Cuz then i have atleast Tried. 🙂