I wonder if I’m doing what’s best for me, or whether this decision will cause me more pain. I sit and think if there will ever be a day when I let go of this fear thats weighing me down. I wish for the day when I can love myself truly and be happy with who I am and where I’m at. For the day that I let myself fall hopelessly in love and get married and have kids, for the day when I’m not too afraid to let myself be happy. I wish and I hope for that day when for once my happiness over shadows my sadness and not the other way around. Everyday I try but I have my moments when I break down and cry because its so hard and seems so impossible. I keep going even if I don’t want to and despite the fact that most days all I want to do is curl up into a ball and die. I am alone no true friends and when people do care and try to be there I push them away because I get annoyed because I don’t care. And for the most part I’m ok with being alone it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. I do still have hope sometimes and it’s just a tiny bit but honestly I don’t believe in what I hope for. In fact I don’t believe in anything I don’t care about most things its kind of like I’m on auto pilot and I just keep trying to move forward because I don’t want to wake up again and realize I wasted time going no where.
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Oye, Alina? D’you still have that pistol chambered for the .40&W? If so, dayum gurll… Most others would’ve tasted lead years ago. Well done for holding out this long.
I lack the capacity right now to process much, but from what I’ve read on your posts… You make Cupid look like a perverted, adult diaper-wearing creep in terms of love (did that come out right? I hope so…) What I mean is, you have so much love in you despite the fact you find it a little hard to love yourself right now – you already possess the capability to do so. All it’ll take is some fine gentleman to win you over and appreciate everything that you are, or whatever may entice you as such.
…well, they’d better look after you, lest they meet your Saturday night special.
None of that made sense, yeah? But I wish you the best in any event.