Hi guys, it’s been some days.
I’ll confess I actually forgot about the SP for some days, and a few days ago I realized I hadn’t logged on in a while. I was kind of shocked, my shock suprised me. Does that mean I actually forgot about suicide for a few days? I did actually. No random thoughts, no dark voices, it had actually been a few peaceful weeks. But does it actually mean I forgot about it? I don’t think so, but it does show me that I can distract myself and have peace, and that makes me hopeful. I think I’m doing okay. I’m back here because, oh well, you guys understand.
There was one night, I got really drunk with some friends and when I got home I kind of had a panic attack, just sitting on the floor, crying, swearing to myself that if I didn’t get help this summer I would finally try to kill myself. I was better in the morning and luckily a friend, maybe my only real friend these days, had stayed over with me and I’m grateful for the company, and for his angry ass telling me to go to sleep 😛
I admit I do like drinking but it had been a while since it had that negative effect on me, which brings up a dilemma: was I actually already feeling that way and the alcohol just made it easier for me to realize what I was really feeling, or did the alcohol just trick me somehow? Anyway, drink responsibly blabla, I fucking love it. So maybe we SP’s some big day in the future will meet up and get really fucked up, maybe it’ll save us. Ah well, I like to imagine that scenario.
Don’t worry, I’m really okay.
I can’t really channel my emotions into words right now, but that’s okay. Always been that way. These thoughts make sense in my head but I can’t write to explain it. I’m happy to see you guys are alive and anyway, just wanted to say hi and good night.
I’m starting a different degree in september, I finally decided that biomedicine isn’t for me and grew a pair and told everyone I wasn’t going to go through with it and was changing the direction of my studies. I really think I made a life saving decision, because it was just draining the only internal energy I had left. I can’t waste my time with things that don’t make me enjoy everyday life. I’m young, but I desperately NEED to start learning to enjoy every fucking day. I want to study to learn.
Cheers.
Feeling really better after writing,
PURPLEPAIN
7 comments
Glad you are feeling better. I know for me alcohol sometimes makes me less able to keep my poker face. It’s like it relaxes my defenses a bit and I start to let things out that I was intending to keep bottled up.
Cheers Purp’!
Have a round for me. I no longer tango with Jackie Daniels and am sworn to sobriety for the foreseeable future. It’s good you forgot about this place, if only for a short period of time. Short reprieves are instrumental in maintaining mental/physical effectiveness during high stress situations.
Study to learn, learn to study more in-depth and acquire the knowledge you need, not what they want you to know. Education should be fun and able to be applied in more ways than one, and fostered in an environment where the teacher is firm, fair but never familiar – that’s how one compromises themselves.
I have no idea what you may be studying in future, but all the best with it anyway. I hope you’re doing okay for now and, although it’ll sound hypocritical of me, try to go easy on the drink. Sweet? Okey doke then.
Feeling dizzy from these snazzy new glasses I have but still amped due to an earlier power nap which means I’ll be up till the early hours of Saturday,
Shephard.
Good to see you’re still alive Shep 🙂 .
Well, not necessarily “good”, per se, depending on your current stance on offing yourself at the moment 🙁 , but it’s nice none the less 😉 .
Yeah, I missed you too. The current situation is looking pretty grim, but I’ve plenty of tea and biscuits to make the Queen proud, so I’ll be fine for now.
Chur, bro.
Thanks for the luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv Shep’. I am doing okay and will go easy on the drink. Promise. I hope you’re doing okay as well. Keep being alive for me. Cheers!
@A_Shoe_In true, alcohol does have a tendency to do that. Thanks for the support 🙂