chronic pain and the consequences

I sit still awake at 11 am. The sun briefly hits my pale, pasty skin. My body aches, I am in excruciating agony. My pain threshold is finite, but it has been growing over the years. However, when the pain exceeds this mark, as it does daily, I am no longer competent. I cannot think clearly, I cannot do anything that requires thought. I wait. That’s the only thing I can do. There is no awareness, there is no relief, and there is no reason. Just pure unadulterated pain. I feel like a junkie, I have lost interest in everything and everybody, and I cannot do anything of enjoyment. I want it to stop, so badly. I want to take back the years fallen victim to chronic pain. I haven’t been consistently happy for about 2.5 years. And I know it will just go on. Compared to others, 2.5 years is nothing. Others have had chronic pain for decades and I just don’t understand it. Maybe I’m not as strong as them. All I know is that I want to die. I need to die. It’s a vicious cycle of pain and depression, each feeding off of each other. I have no future, I have no friends, I have no interests, I have no hope. Kill me.