Nothing is getting any better. I thought that after cancer I could face anything… that the world had to throw me some sort of bone, but it hasn’t. I don’t know what to do anymore. The only thing i wake up for is my job… and here people are constantly yelling. I get scared and i want to be held… but the only man who i trust to hold me cant stay here for much longer. i dont want to rely on him to be my savior. frankly, i’m tired of being saved. I want nothing more than to sleep, but as of late, that’s been a task. Everything has been a “task” lately, though. I have no dreams and aspirations. I have no usable talents. I’m lazy, I hate myself. I never planned on living this long. I’m about to be 20… i failed my first semester of college… i’ll never get my doctorate. I’ll never be happy with or proud of myself. I love a man who can never love me in the same way. My only passion, for writing, is a joke. I can’t do this all again. I cant rebuild after it’s been torn apart. I have no friends, I’ve isolated myself out of… i dunno… hate for myself. I don’t want anyone near me. I don’t want anyone to know how I really am. I’m vile. I cant stomach the sight of myself in the mirror. It must have something to do with the cheating, that really wasn’t cheating, or those bullies of my past. It must have something to do with a deep rooted fear inside myself… but i’m sick of clawing at dirt to find the answer. i’m tired. I just want to let go.
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3 comments
That’s not true. You have us – the people from suicideproject. We are always here to help you feel better.
You can make many friends here and ease your loneliness.
Do you want to talk? I can relate, I really can. Do you have kik or something?